


Eternity's Dime

by LigerCat



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Aromantic, Aromantic Phineas Flynn, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality Spectrum, Awkward Dates, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Bad Flirting, Crossdressing, Dark Past, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Ferb just has issues, Ferb talks a lot, First Dates, Flirting, Fluff, Forced Relationship, Gen, Insecure Phineas, M/M, Mental Health Issues, No Sex, No Smut, Non-Canonical Past Character Death, Pansexual Character, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, The boys don't meet until their twenties, They both still build things, Unrelated Phineas Flynn/Ferb Fletcher, Weird Plot Shit, Work In Progress, adult characters, it's explained in his backstory, writing this as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2019-11-13 01:57:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18022652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LigerCat/pseuds/LigerCat
Summary: Phineas has forever dreaded the day his timer would hit zero. Romance just isn't his thing and soulmates are too constricting.The last thing he expected his soulmate to be is a green-haired young man who is somehow more zany and eccentric than Phineas himself.With no other viable options, an awkward romance is formed. Leaving Phineas trying to hide the fact that he has no romantic feelings for the person he's destined to spend his life with.





	1. Countdown

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [krikkit_war_robot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/krikkit_war_robot/pseuds/krikkit_war_robot) in the [GenAndAroPrompts](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/GenAndAroPrompts) collection. 



> I've never done one of the prompt things on here before. I'm not sure how this is going to turn out, but when I read the prompt, this is what I came up with.
> 
> I don't own Phineas and Ferb.

Three minutes.

Phineas looked away from the number on his wrist as if that would remove it from his mind. His eyes traced patterns on the worn roof's surface. Three minutes until his life changed forever.

Most people looked forward to the day they would meet their soulmate, but he had to be weird. Like always. No one else would hide on a roof trying to avoid it.

A breeze whipped at his hair, sending red locks flying into his eyes, and he combed a hand through them. He'd chosen a spot in the middle of the roof to sit; the last thing he needed was someone to see him and think he was planning to jump. He wasn't that desperate to escape fate.

His eyes traveled back to the timer. Two minutes.

A guitar riff cut through the air and Phineas jumped before realizing it was just his ringtone. Despite knowing it was unlikely his soulmate would come in the form of a wrong number, he tried to ignore it. Logically, it was probably Isabella. His childhood friend knew his time was drawing to a close.

He still didn't answer the phone. Not worth the risk.

But thinking about Isabella made him smile ever so slightly. She'd only met her soulmate last week. The day before they met, she called to tell Phineas and confessed to having a huge a crush on him ever since they were little and how she had wished that he'd been her soulmate. Some part of him wished he could have told her the same. He did love her, but not like that.

Why did soulmates have to be a thing? Who decided that everyone should be forced into this instead of making their own choices? His smile disappeared behind a scowl. Why did he have to be with someone at all?

He had spent years going over the history. Nowhere did it explain why this happened, why people were born with numbers on their wrists counting down. It didn't explain anything. Except that it meant you were to be together til death do you part. Or you were ostracized and generally considered a horrible person for dooming your soulmate to an eternally single life.

And as much as he hated the idea of a soulmate, he couldn't do that to someone.

One minute.

What if they didn't like him? Or he didn't like them? Could that happen? His breathing hitched. His heart beginning to pound in his ears. He couldn't fake wanting this if they didn't like him. Watching the seconds count down, he knew he needed to slow his breathing before he started hyperventilating, but couldn't. He slapped a hand against his chest, feeling it rise and fall too quickly, but it didn't help without someone to copy.

Thirty seconds.

He gasped for air, eyes wide.

From somewhere behind him there was a whooshing wind that seemed to be growing louder and an alarmed cry. But Phineas was too occupied with his breathing problem to pay attention.

As the countdown hit zero, something large slammed into his back.


	2. Unexpected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm thinking their personalities in this going to be a nature/nurture thing. Deep down, this version of the boys are the same people, but they grew up very differently than their canon counterparts, so they react and act a bit different. Hopefully, I'll be able to pull this fic off to where both the similarities and differences can shine through.
> 
> And, also hopefully, the chapters will continue to get longer as I go.

Phineas groaned. His arms felt like mincemeat where they had slid across the rough roof and the heavy weight on his back made it difficult to breathe.

On the bright side, he'd stopped hyperventilating.

Whatever was on his back started shaking. A weird sort of shaking followed by snorted laughter.

Phineas' heart sunk. Oh no. Oh please no.

The person—his soulmate?—managed to get off Phineas' back before two hands grabbed him by the shoulders and picked him up.

"Hey!" Phineas kicked at his... his... whatever, but the person set him down on his feet like he hadn't done anything. Ready to complain at the treatment-he could have gotten up on his own just fine without some stranger's hands grabbing at him, thank you very much-he turned to face his soulmate and froze.

One never knew what to expect when meeting their soulmate, Phineas sure didn't, but this was far from anything he had expected.

First off, his soulmate was a guy. Sure, he'd considered that, but Phineas didn't think he was gay. He'd never felt anything towards any man he'd ever met, but he'd never felt anything towards any girl he'd never met either so maybe that wasn't a good way to judge it? Actually, the only reason why Phineas ever assumed his soulmate would be a girl was because his mom and sister, and even Isabella, always used 'she' when referring to his future soulmate.

Phineas had to try not to groan when he realized he had to look up to meet the guy's eyes. Except he still couldn't because his soulmate wore a pair of tinted goggles that hid his eyes from view. Were all the short soulmate options taken?

The guy also wasn't wearing a shirt. Why? Though judging by how tan the guy's chest was, maybe he didn't wear shirts often. Phineas' blue eyes drifted and then shot wide open as he took in the pair of fluffy white wings on the guy's back.

If his soulmate had literally fallen from heaven, screw it, he was cursing the guy to stay single.

"They're not real."

It took a long moment for the words to sink in and then, Phineas only blinked. What?

"My wings," his soulmate continued. His voice didn't give away any emotion despite being far from monotone. "I've been working on them all week."

"You build things?" All thoughts of soulmates and love and romance vanished from Phineas' mind as he jogged around the other man. "You built these? Can I touch them?" He waited until the man nodded to run his fingers lightly over the feathers. The soft wing twitched under his touch, and he jerked back. "What was that?"

"I apologize. They're hooked up to my nervous system." A small shrug accompanied the question raising explanation. The guy combed his hands through his hair, tugging at the leafy-green strands that appeared to be tangled from his flight.

Phineas looked over where they attached to the guy's back. But they appeared to fit perfectly against the skin, as if they were as much a part of him as his arms and legs. "You're sure these are fake?"

Another nod. He seemed to have given up on his hair and shoved his hands into his jean pockets instead.

Taking a deep breath, Phineas blathered out, "How do they work? What do you mean they're connected to your nervous system? Why would you connect them to your nervous system? How did you even manage that? What are they made of? They these real feathers? How do they stay attached? Did you cut your back open to attach them? Do they run on a battery or on your own body's energy? Like body heat or-"

"Slow down." That same snorted laugh that sounded like he was trying to not laugh and failing horribly accompanied the words. "One question at a time." The wings shifted, spreading out to their full length, which was at least twenty-two feet, before folding up neatly against the man's back.

Phineas tried to focus on just one question. When one finally came to him, it had nothing to do with the wings. "What's your name?"

The other man turned around to face him, the movement awkward, and his wings adjusted to help compensate for their weight. One hand stretched out towards Phineas. "Ferbs Fletcher."

After a seconds hesitation, Phineas took the hand. He couldn't help but be ever so slightly disappointed when there was no spark at the contact. Any vague hope that maybe his view on soulmates would change once meeting his was dashed in that moment.

Nevertheless, he smiled as he shook the hand. "Phineas Flynn."

Then Ferbs smoothly changed his hold on Phineas' hand, lifting it as he leaned over slightly, lips brushing over Phineas knuckles in a kiss. "It's a pleasure."

Phineas gasped. How the heck was he supposed to react to that? Who even does that anymore?

Perhaps he should just be happy that Ferbs was taking this whole soulmate thing better than him.


	3. Too Fast

Still holding Phineas' hand, Ferbs frowned the tiniest frown Phineas had ever seen. Did it even count as a frown if the lips only turned down slightly at the corners?

Ferbs gently turned Phineas' arm over. Light scratches covered the underside of his arm.

"I'm sorry," he said, letting go of Phineas' arm.

As soon as Ferbs did, Phineas drew his arm to his chest, pulling the sleeve down that had been pushed up, before repeating the action with his other arm. "It's fine. Doesn't hurt, really." He had kind of forgotten that he'd scratched them up when he'd hit the roof.

The frown didn't go away. "This isn't how I imagined us meeting," Ferbs said, voice showing the first hint of emotion Phineas had heard from him. "Hurting my soulmate within the first seconds... Not the best way to begin a relationship, is it?"

"No. I guess not." Phineas dropped his head, staring at his hands as he clasped them together. The words 'soulmate' and 'relationship' running through his head. Were they already in a relationship only minutes after meeting? Is that how this worked? How quickly did these things progress?

He racked his brain for the information he'd read over the years. Soulmates normally courted for a while before mar-before taking the next step, but when the courting began, he couldn't recall reading anything on.

Isabella. He needed to call Isabella.

"I need to make a phone call, " Phineas blurted out then he flinched. Was that rude? Should he have waited for... something? Was there something that was supposed to happen?

"Don't let me stop you."

Phineas glanced back up just in time to see Ferbs pull what looked like a card from his jean's pocket.

Holding it out, he continued, "My card. Call me when you're ready." Once Phineas took the card, Ferbs began backing up towards the edge of the roof. "I should finish testing these wings." He smiled before raising a hand and blowing Phineas a kiss. "I'll see you soon."

Could he not do that? Phineas managed a strangled, 'Yeah.' 

Ferbs turned on his heel. His wings stretched out as he ran the last few feet and leaped off the roof. And promptly fell out of sight.

Phineas' eyes shot wide, and he darted towards the edge. Not wanting to get too close, he stopped about a foot away and looked around.

A glint of white drew his eyes, and Phineas let out a breath of relief. In action, the wings appeared to glide on the wind currents. From above, the sunlight reflected off of them, giving them a glowing appearance. From the ground, he was sure to look like some weird, giant bird. If they lived anywhere but Danville, people would probably freak out seeing it.

Assured his soulmate hadn't just jumped to his death, Phineas started towards the roof entrance. Without looking at it, he shoved the card into the pocket of his cargo shorts before pulling out his iPhone. Opening the door, he scrolled through his short list of contacts.

He paused at the top of the stairs, finger hitting call, then continued on as he brought it to his ear. Should he take the elevator or see how many of the forty-eight flights he could walk down without passing out? He'd taken the elevator up because he'd been in a hurry.

The ringing stopped. "Hello?"

"Isabella!" He jumped over a step, tennis shoes banging against the cement when he landed. "I just met my soulmate."

"Oh my gosh! You did? What's her name? What's she like? Is she pretty? How'd'cha meet?"

She. Of course, Isabella had to say 'she.' Phineas rubbed his free hand on his shirt. Why were his hands sweaty? "Actually, my uh my soulmate is a he."

Silence filled the line leaving the stairwell quiet except for the faint thuds of his shoes.

"Isabella?" Did she drop the phone? No, he would have heard it. Probably.

"You're gay?" She almost screamed it over the line, causing Phineas to flinch.

"No! I mean, yes? I mean, I don't-" Groaning, he clenched his jaw so tight it hurt. What was he? "I guess I am?"

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

The words 'I didn't know' were on the tip of his tongue, but he held them back. If he said that, he'd just sound like an idiot. People were supposed to know that kind of stuff before meeting their soulmate, right? "I don't know."

"So... what's his name?"

"Ferb-s," Phineas said, the name came out stiff. The 'Ferb' part slipped from his lips easily enough, but the 's' seemed to get stuck in his throat.

"'Ferbs.' Weird name. He cute?"

"I guess." He wouldn't call the guy ugly, but what counted as cute? Well, he knew Isabella was cute, but that was a scientific fact based on her symmetrical facial features.

The number on the wall said he had reached level forty-three. Phineas kept walking.

"You guess? This is your soulmate, you have to give me more than that."

"Isa, I didn't call to talk about what my-about what he looks like." Maybe he was wrong about her being able to help him with this.

"Right. Do you have a date set up yet? Ooh! Are you still going to ask Candace to plan your wedding?"

Phineas actually stumbled at that, forcing him to grab onto the railing to keep from falling down the stairs. "You actually remember that?"

Back when his Aunt Tiana and Uncle Bob had gotten married, Candace had planned the wedding for them, and he'd made some off-hand comment about her planning his wedding one day. He hadn't thought about that since he'd said it. When he was like nine.

"I wrote it down."

"Why would-" Phineas stopped himself as he worked to get his feet back under him. "Don't you think it's a little early to be discussing marriage?" It had been less then half an hour since he'd met the guy. Did girls always move this fast?

"With him? Yes, yes it is. But between us, not at all."

Needing a subject switch, Phineas said, "He's an inventor."

"Like you?" She sounded excited.

"No, not like me. His inventions actually work." Looking at the door near him, Phineas wondered again if he should just take the elevator. But walked past it. He could stand walking a few more floors.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." A sigh drifted over the line. "Several of your inventions worked."

They didn't for long. He could come up with ideas, draw the blueprints, and use the tools, but Phineas lacked the touch that could bring his ideas to life. Either they didn't work at all or broke soon after completion.

"I need to go, Isabella."

"No, you don't."

A wry smile curved Phineas' lips. She knew him too well in some aspects. "Bye."

"Bye, Phineas. I love you."

He tried to repeat those three words back to her, but they wouldn't come.


	4. Mundane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, things have been hectic the past few days, so here's an unhectic chapter.

Though it was still early, Phineas went straight home.

He paused in the doorway of his apartment. Despite neglecting to turn on the lights, he could see from the light still coming in through the windows. The stillness in the place unsettled him. Glancing at the cardboard boxes still piled up in some places, he closed the door. Maybe once he unpacked the last one, it would feel like home.

Some part of him wanted to turn around and walk back out, go to Maple Drive and take up his mom's offer that he could crash in his old room if he ever needed to. But he was an adult. He needed to get used to this, not run home to his mom whenever he got lonely.

Sighing, he crossed the small front room and fell face-first onto the couch. Legs still hanging over the armrest, he folded one arm under his head. Maybe if things did move fast with his soulmate, it would be good for him. He wouldn't have to live alone. Or mostly alone.

At that thought, he raised his head and glanced around for his teal pet. "Perry?" he called out, when he didn't see the platypus. "Perry! Come here, boy."

His heart sunk slightly when no response came. Where Perry went every day, Phineas didn't know, it had always been like that, but the last few years, the fear that Perry would wander off and not come back had been creeping into his head. Platypuses didn't live that long, and Perry was up there in years.

Another sigh left him. This train of thought was no better than the last.

He dropped his head back down onto his arm.

* * *

Falling asleep had not been his plan when he'd laid down.

Phineas' stomach growled. Slowly sliding his stiff legs off the armrest, he tried to ignore the pins and needles radiating through them. With a yawn, he sat up.

How long had he slept? He scrubbed a hand over his face as he blinked, eyes not yet adjusted to the darkness. Maybe he should have turned on a light, electricity bill be damned.

Squinting as his eyes began to pick up on the small amount of light leaking in from outside, he stood up and held his hands out in front of him. Not that it would alert him to the boxes on the floor, but at least he wouldn't walk into a wall. At least he didn't have to worry about tripping over or walking into any furniture.

Phineas felt his way around the couch before guesstimating where the light switch would be based off of where the windows were. Each step, he hovered his foot around a little before putting it down. It made for slow going.

His hands hit the wall, and he barely stopped himself from jumping back in surprise. Placing both hands on it, he slid them across the smooth wallpaper. His fingers found several small dents and imperfections in it before hitting the cool plastic cover for the switch.

He slammed his eyes shut as a blinding amount of light flooded the room. The white that managed to sink in past his eyelids slowly faded, and he risked opening them. Spots still obstructed his vision. He blinked a few times while walking towards the kitchen nook.

Slipping around the small counter that served both as that and as a table, he went straight for the refrigerator. Once he opened it, he groaned. Letting the door close again, he leaned his forehead against it. Of course, he had forgotten to buy groceries. Like his day hadn't been bad enough already.

He stepped back, straightening up to his full height as he rolled his shoulders before falling back into his normal slouching posture. Though not expecting to find anything, Phineas opened each of the five cabinets. The emptiness of them only adding to his sense of unhomeliness.

During college, he never got this feeling. Phineas frowned. Homesickness had been something he'd experienced a lot, but that had been more tolerable than this.

A chattering noise came from behind him a moment before something warm and soft rubbed against his legs.

Frown vanishing, Phineas bent down. "Oh, there you are, Perry." He scratched the platypus's head, causing Perry's unfocused eyes to slid shut as he leaned into his owner's hand.

"You're lucky," Phineas muttered, "you don't have to deal with soulmates or society's standards. You don't have to do to anything."

Perry made a sound that almost sounded like a scoff.

Was he so lonely that he was considering that his pet could understand enough to scoff at him? Pulling his hand away from Perry's head, Phineas picked the semi-aquatic animal up. When he was little, he liked to pretend that Perry could understand him but, after twenty years of seeing those unfocused eyes, he had grown to doubt it.

Or maybe he was growing disillusioned with the world. How disheartening was that?

"It would be nice if you could understand me." Phineas squeezed Perry to his chest as he walked back to the couch.

"I met my soulmate today... or yesterday, is it after midnight?" Sitting down, Phineas placed Perry in his lap. The platypus walked in a tight circle three times before curling up. "Anyway, he's not what I expected."

For a second, Phineas thought he saw Perry's eyes focus but dismissed it as his imagination deciding to resurface. He combed his fingers through Perry's thick fur.

"I wonder if he likes platypuses. He's gonna have to." A grin spread across Phineas' face. "And if he treats either of us bad, you can hit him with your spur." Phineas wasn't sure how he got away with not having Perry's removed. One would think poisonous ankle barbs would be a big deal. But apparently not in Danville.

Perry let a sharp, unpleased sounding chatter at the suggestion.

"Okay, fine, you don't have to." He moved to rub a hand over his face when his eyes caught something. After pushing his sleeve up a little, he stared at where the numbers had been.

Three letters had taken their place.


	5. Family

Phineas walked up to the grey painted house. Bypassing the bell, he rapped his knuckles twice on the door before rubbing his wrist. The FTF printed on his skin may as well have been branded on with coals considering the amount of dull pain that filled the area.

The door flew open. Phineas barely had time to look away from the letters when a blur of orange and lavender jumped on him. Quickly, he looped his hands under the girl's arms and half threw her over his shoulder causing her giggle. At some point, he was going to have to stop doing that. Or she'd get old enough to no longer find it fun. He wasn't sure which wouldn't be more disheartening.

"Where's your mom?" Even as he asked the question, Phineas entered the house.

"Kitchen!" She grabbed onto the back of his shirt, pulling the collar tight against his throat.

Giving an overly dramatic gag, Phineas stumbled into the kitchen. He grabbed the door frame with one hand while using the other to keep a firm grasp on Amanda's legs. Spotting Candace at the stove-trying to not get any food on her dress suit while she cooked-he gasped out, "Help! She's trying to kill me!"

Candace didn't even look at him. "I was about to call you."

Continuing his stumble to the counter that stood in the middle of the room, he went on, "Do you not care, woman! My own sister gives no thought to my demise! Oh, the humanity!" On that note, he gave a dragged out choking noise and slowly sunk to his knees and out of her sight. 

Candace still didn't look. "You're a weirdo."

Rude. He was dying here. Phineas dropped the rest of the way to the floor, careful not to crush his giggling niece's legs as he did.

Amanda sat up on his back. Her orange hair, the same brilliant shade as her mother's, tickled Phineas' cheek as she leaned over his head. "Uncle Phineas, get up. I know you're not dead for reals."

Phineas stayed still. Not moving so much as an eyeball. After a moment, she poked him.

"Mom, he won't do anything."

"Give it a rest, Amanda." A tired sigh followed the words. "You're staying for breakfast?"

Despite having smelt the food since he entered the room, the mention of it caused his stomach to growl. But before he could answer, Amanda poked him again.

"I knew you weren't dead!" The girl scrambled off his back, and he lifted himself slightly off the floor so she could pull her legs from under him.

Pushing himself up into a kneeling position, that she hurried to copy, he smiled. "You're too smart to trick." He turned to peek over the counter. "I loved to stay."

"Good." Candace finally looked up only to frown. "Amanda, stand up. I don't want you on the dirty floor."

"But you don't care about me being on the dirty floor?" He raised his eyebrows as Amanda got up. "First you don't care about me dying, now you don't care about this, do you care about me at all?"

"I'm making you breakfast, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you're a real saint," he deadpanned.

Candace walked around the counter, a platter of bacon in one hand, the other she used to lightly smack him on the back of the head as she passed. "Better believe it, bud."

Rolling his eyes, Phineas stood up and adjusted his shirt, the material having gotten bunched up from his antics. When it came down to it, he did believe it. She put up with him after all. He walked around the island counter.

"Amanda, go fetch your brothers." Once the girl darted from the room, Candace continued, "Phineas-"

"Already on it." If he remembered right, the plates were in the second cabinet from the fridge, so that's where he went. Grinning when he saw he was correct, he took out five plates and moved to bring them to the table when he stopped. For a brief second, the letters peeking out from under the cuff of his sleeve caught his eyes. The sight of them made the ease that being at his sister's home drain from him, seeming to leach into the floor where he couldn't reclaim it.

"Phineas?" Candace was staring at him.

Tightening his hold on the dishes, he forced a smile and his feet into moving. He could fake it. It wouldn't be the first time, and he doubted it would be the last.

"Is everything okay?" The concern in her eyes drilled into him.

"Yeah." Phineas mentally patted himself on the back for sounding casual. "I just remembered something."

She continued to watch him as he set out the plates. Trying to pick up on a lie that wasn't there.

Appearing to give up, she glanced at the door. "What is taking so long?"

It hadn't been that long, even though it felt like it had, but Phineas didn't point it out. The less he talked, the less likely he'd slip up. But then she'd question him not talking and think he was hiding something. Which he was, but that wasn't the point. But he'd come over to talk to her about it so why was he hiding it now?

Why did life have to be so hard and confusing?

He didn't notice right away that she was talking again. How long had he been staring at the china plate in thought?

"-found a job yet?"

"Uh? Ah, no," Phineas muttered. What had she been saying?

"You weren't listening, were you?" Her tone dipped exasperation.

"'Course I was." Did they really need to talk about his employment status right now? Phineas wished for Amanda to get back and shut down the talk before it began.

"No, you weren't." She crossed back over to the counter. "You're rubbing your ear."

Dammit. He pulled his hand away from his ear and stared at it as if it had betrayed him.

"Look," she started, walking over with another plate with food on it-pancakes this time-, "Stanky Dog's retiring, and Jeremy has some connections over there. I know it's not your dream job or anything, but you'd be great at it." A wry smile appeared on her lips. "And you love hearing yourself talk."

"I do not!" Just because he liked talking didn't mean he loved the sound of his own voice. "Besides, I hate morning DJ's, why would I want to be one?" He scrunched up his pointy nose at the idea.

"I don't know." Placing that plate next to the other platter, she sighed. "Maybe because it's a job that will pay you money? So you can, ya know, pay bills and stuff? Buy some food so you're not always coming over here to mooch meals?"

Ouch. He didn't come over to 'mooch meals', though the meals were a bonus, he came over a lot because he got lonely. Phineas was about to say something to that extent, possible without the lonely part, when Amanda came back into the kitchen.

She approached them with a serious expression on her young face while her younger brothers bolted into the room behind her.

"The tree's broke."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for so long. I wrote this chapter three times, three different ways, and probably would have started over again if not for the fact that I didn't want to leave this story un-updated any longer.
> 
> Also, I'm changing the ages of Candace's kids (or the about ages they would be at the time the fic's set) a little bit for plot reasons.


	6. Confrontation

Phineas kneeled down by the base of the 'tree'. Why his sister went for a holographic tree instead of a real one, he'd ever understand. Especially since it broke every few weeks.

On the plus side, they'd eaten breakfast before Candace asked him to take a look at it. And now that he had a good meal in him, he didn't mind repairing it again. Of course, she waited until after he agreed to that to say she needed him to watch her kids while he was there.

Babysitter and repairman, why did he need a job-job again?

Phineas sighed, opening the toolbox at his side. He would rather his own tools over the ones kept in the Johnson's garage, but he could make do.

Amanda hovered around him, eyes wide, like she'd never seen him do this before.

He ran a finger along the base inserted into the ground until something clicked and the flickering maple vanished.

"What's that?" Amanda wasn't watching him anymore, instead, she stared at the wooden fence.

'What's what?' was on the tip of Phineas' tongue when he heard it too. Angry shouts of indiscernible words, slowly growing louder.

"Amanda, go inside." He was overreacting. Probably. Danville only had high crime rates when it came to stolen cars.

The girl didn't have time to move before a figure literately leaped over the fence, right in front of Phineas.

Green hair was the first thing Phineas noticed about the crouched figure. It was him. Because it had to be him out of all the people on the planet.

The shouts grew closer.

Ferbs seemed to be staring at him. Seemed to be because much like yesterday, his eyes were covered, mirrored glasses having replaced the goggles. Then he jumped to his feet, running past Phineas and around the side of the house.

What was he doing here? Phineas didn't want to deal with this. Couldn't he have a few more days try to ignore the guy? Could Fate, the universe, not give him that? He raised his eyes to the sky. Could this day get any worse?

The gate banged opened. Amanda finally bolted for the backdoor, sliding it shut behind her. That took one concern from his mind.

"Yo, Chump."

And his day had gotten worse. He shouldn't have tempted it. Phineas tightened his hand around the first tool it touched. A hammer. Using it wouldn't be his first choice, but he knew that voice and didn't want to take too many chances.

Still, he plastered a polite smile on his face as he stood up, carefully positioning the hammer behind his back and out of sight when he faced them.

They looked the same as when he'd last seen them, except a little older. Thaddeus still stood front and center, sharp nose pointed upwards as if would fall from his face if he ever lowered it. But somehow managing to look down it at Phineas at the same time.

Behind him stood Thor, looking as boorish as ever. Anyone would assume the man to be dumb, but there was an intelligent glint hidden in his eyes. He could do something great with his life if he ever decided to stop playing lapdog to his brother.

"Where did he go?"

"Who?" Phineas tried to sound as clueless as possible.

Thaddeus stepped forward, one hand coming up in what was probably meant to be a threatening point. Who was Phineas kidding? It was a threatening point. "Now I know you're dumb, but that doesn't give you an excuse to play with me. The guy that jumped your fence, where is he?"

Shit. He should have guessed they'd saw Ferbs. "Oh, him."

"What did I just say?" The hand changed from a point to a snap, and Thor stalked past his brother.

Phineas swallowed. Screw the lapdog analogy, pit bull would be a more apt comparison. His grip tightened on the hammer, but he made no move to actually swing it.

"Woah!" Phineas backed up to match the advance. "C'mon guys, I'm sure we can settle this peacefully." If this turned into a fight, would Ferbs come help him? Was he even still there or had he taken off already? Why was he even trying to cover for someone whose only connection to him was the marks on their wrists?

Thor hesitated, looking back at Thaddeus.

Thaddeus leered. "All I want is to know where he is. You give me that, and maybe we can avoid doing this the fun way."

Expressionless, Thor cracked his knuckles.

What the heck did Ferbs do to piss these two off? "Okay! Okay." Could they hear his heart pounding? He could barely hear anything over it so they had to be able to. "He went around the side."

Thor darted towards him, and Phineas feared he'd have to defend himself, but Thor didn't stop. Didn't so much as spare him a glance before continuing around the corner of the house.

Any possible relief he could have felt was wiped away as Thaddeus' leer changed into a toothy mockery of a smile. "You'd better be telling the truth." He didn't wait for a response before chasing after his brother.

The hammer slipped from Phineas' fingers a moment later. "Shit. Shit. Shit," he muttered under his breath, scrubbing his hands over his face. They were either going to find Ferbs and murder him or not find him, come back here, and take it out on Phineas. No, no, they weren't. They weren't murderers. He didn't know what they were but they weren't that. "Shit."

"Took you long enough."

Phineas jumped, almost tripping over his dropped hammer, before staring, wide-eyed, at the speaker.

Casually standing a few from Phineas, Ferbs looked all too at ease. "I was starting to think you'd never send them after me."

"What?" Phineas made some random gestures at the side of the house. "You wanted me to give you up?"

Ferbs shrugged, an easy smile playing on his lips.

How could he be so damn calm when Phineas still felt like his heart was about to break through his rib cage? He couldn't stop the next question from leaving him, "What did you do to piss off the Weaver boys?"

With another shrug, Ferbs walked closer to him. While his eyes were hidden, from how his head was tilted, it seemed like he was looking at the tree's base. "Nothing they didn't bring upon themselves."

"What does that mean?" Phineas wanted to like the guy, he really did, but this wasn't helping him to.

"Holotree 2000?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah." Phineas cleared his throat. God, Ferbs probably thought he was an idiot. "Yes."

Nodding, Ferbs crouched down and repeated the action Phineas had performed earlier, running his finger along the rim until the tree flickered into existence. Then it started its strobing. "Mind if I have a go at it?"

"Sure, knock yourself out." He watched Ferbs dig through the toolbox. "Maybe you can figure out why it keeps breaking."

Ferbs only nodded again.

Phineas sat down the grass next to him, intending to watch him work. But found himself watching Ferbs himself instead. As soon as Ferbs started inspecting the broken machine, the smile had slipped from his face to be replaced with a neutral line. Above the sunglasses, his brows weren't furrowed in thought or concentration. He looked at more at ease and, dare Phineas say, more natural with a blank expression than he did with a grin or smile on his lips.

Some strange urge begged him to grab the sunglasses and rip them off. But that would be rude and uncalled for. Even as Phineas found himself getting lost in staring at his soulmate, he was aware of the fact that there was no attraction driving it, only curiosity.

At some point, Phineas found himself absently trying to examine his features. But between his sunglasses and the hair hanging down over his forehead, everything above Ferbs' wide nose was partly hidden from sight. He became so caught up in it, he missed when Ferbs started talking.

"-that is secured." Ferbs flashed him a grin before starting to put the tools away. "But between you and me, I bloody hate these things. They don't help the environment, don't help anything except lazy people not having to rake leaves."

Phineas actually smiled at that. "I told Candace that-" Candace. The smile vanished. He was supposed to be watching Amanda, Xavier, and Fred. He jumped to his feet.

"Phineas?"

"I'm supposed to be babysitting, not-not this." His eyes darted towards the house, but he stayed where he was. "Thank you for fixing it, but you should leave."

One thin eyebrow rose at that. "Alright. But as a proper thank you, I insist that you accompany me to dinner later this evening."

"Yeah, sure," the words were out before he thought it through. But it didn't matter.

"Splendid." Ferbs reactivated the tree. It didn't flicker. "Please wear something nice that fits you. That hoodie leaves too much to the imagination." That was accompanied by another grin, one that made Phineas feel like he was being mentally undressed.

Phineas tried to make a comeback or protest but all that came from him was an indignant squeak. This was so far from his comfort zone, he might as well be on the moon. Or Mars. But, after a few seconds, he managed a 'fine' before running for the backdoor.

He'd suffered enough embarrassment today already without waiting for another kiss on the hand or anything else like it.

It wasn't until later that he realized they hadn't agreed to a time nor had he told Ferbs where he lived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay since the last update. 
> 
> Also, anyone who can figure out why Ferb keeps his eyes hidden from view gets a virtual slice of Linda's pie.


	7. Preparation Conversation

"What do you wear on a date?"

"Personally, I'd wear a dress, but I don't think that would work for you." Isabella sounded amused. "Where's he taking you?"

Phineas never realized how little clothes he actually owned. Or at least, how little variety there was. Granted, he rarely ever got dressed up so t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, and shorts made up most of his everyday wardrobe.

"I don't know." He had to have something nice somewhere, right? Forgoing digging through the next drawer where it was, he secured the cellphone between his head and shoulder before pulling the drawer from the dresser. A moment later, he dumped it out on his bed, startling Perry from his nap on Phineas' pillow. "Not even sure when he's picking me up." Phineas sighed. "When we met, he said to call him when I was ready but then he asked me, and I-ugh, I'm not ready."

"Then why did you agree to it?"

"Heat of the moment, I guess?" He paused in putting his shirts back into the drawer as he went through them. "I wasn't thinking."

"If this hadn't happened, would you have called him?"

"Yeah. Eventually." Did he have any clothes still unpacked somewhere? Phineas shoved the rest back into the drawer.

"Phineas," Isabella sighed over the line, "I've known you almost my whole life, so trust me when I say this, you wouldn't have called him. You can't keep-" she cut herself off.

Phineas replaced the drawer. "Can't keep what?"

"It's not important." If that wasn't a lie, Phineas would eat Perry's food. "What did Candace say when you told her?"

Crossing the small room again, Phineas flopped down on his bed while taking the phone back into his hand. The too soft mattresses dipping slightly under his weight as he stared at the ceiling. "I didn't tell her. I meant to, I was going to, but I started playing with Amanda and it didn't come up, then she left, and then I left when Jeremy got home. It just didn't come up." Probably because he didn't really want it to.

A random thought made him laugh. "Maybe I should just wait until the next family get together and really give everyone a shock." Once the words were out, his amusement died.

On the other side of the line, Isabella was silent for a few moments. He could sense she wanted to ask how he was. How he was taking it. Start talking feelings which was the last thing he needed to talk about right now. His muscles were already tense at what was going to happen tonight. He had hoped a shower would relax him, it hadn't.

Finally, she spoke, "You're still taking your meds, right? I don't need to fly home and make sure you're not freaking out on me?"

Phineas rolled his eyes. "Yes, mom. I'm fine, Isa. Really. No need to fly out early." Like he'd put himself at more of a disadvantage by not taking them. He'd tried that once and it was something he'd rather not repeat.

"I know, but if you need me to... Anyway, speaking of moms, I saw yours on TV."

"Really?" Reaching over his head, he scratched Perry's lower back, smiling when the platypus' tail shot straight up. "They rerunning old concerts again?"

"No." Confusion seeped into Isabella's voice. "Apparently she's hosting some awards ceremony. You didn't know?"

Phineas' hand stilled. He hadn't known. Sure, it wasn't the first time she'd hosted some ceremony or decided to spontaneously go on some tour, especially since he moved out, but she normally told him about it. "I didn't."

"They showed some footage from one of her newer tours. She still sounds great." Isabella, always going for the positive.

"She lip-syncs." He tried not to sound bitter. He really did. He loved his mom, but once he found out she lip-synced to someone else's singing, he'd lost respect for her career.

"Oh. I didn't-"

"It's fine." Yep, everything's fine. Maybe if he kept saying it, it would be true.

Some background noise drifted over the line followed by some muffed talking.

"Isa?" Phineas sat up, grip tightening on the plastic phone case.

"Sorry, Phineas, I have to go. You're not the only one with a date tonight." She sounded so happy saying the last line, it made Phineas' stomach turn. How could she be that happy at being told who to be with?

Nevertheless, he forced out a reply, "Have fun."

"You too! Love you!"

This time, he didn't even have a chance to try to say it back before she hung up.

Phineas sighed, the hand holding the phone dropping into his lap. Glancing over his shoulder towards his pillow, he blinked. "Hey, where's Perry?"

Now that he was off the phone, the nervousness was starting to build up again. Maybe he should have taken her offer to come out. Not that it would be of any use to him tonight. And if he did, what good would it do? It would help him, sure, but how much would it screw up her plans? He couldn't do that.

Phineas stood up with resolve. Like anything else, he would find a way to do this himself. He'd fix his own problems. There was no reason to make other people fix them for him. Still, his stomach was in knots. And he still hadn't found anything to wear. He let out a slow breath. God, this was a mess.

A chatter came from the doorway.

"Oh, there you are, Perry." He turned towards his pet. His pet who had a pile of light blue material at his feet. "What you got there, boy?"

The platypus just stared, brown eyes pointed in two different directions as usual.

Phineas walked over to Perry and knelt down. The material felt soft when he picked it up and straightened it out. "A shirt," he muttered. "Where'd you find this?" He'd never seen it before. At least, he didn't think he had. The quality was too nice to be one of his. But it looked like it might fit him.

Perry chattered again before head butting Phineas on the calf, and Phineas got the weird feeling he was being glared at even though the eyes weren't looking at him.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll try it on." He was being bossed around by his platypus. Phineas couldn't help but smile ruefully. How the hell had his life ended up here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter three times. I went with this version because one of the other ones just ran around in a circle and the other one got way, _way_ too dark.
> 
> I'll probably rewrite it again at some point, but don't want to have another month between updates.


	8. Pick Up

The shirt fit. It actually fit him better than most of his shirts. Which further pushed the question of where Perry got it from. He briefly glanced over to where the platypus had reclaimed his spot of the pillow. If not for the slight slit of his eyes, Phineas would have thought Perry was asleep.

Phineas tugged at the collar of the shirt. It didn't go great with his jeans, but Perry hadn't dragged any matching pants into his apartment so his nicest pair of jeans was his best option. Hopefully, Ferbs wasn't planning anything too fancy or he might end up embarrassing the guy before their relationship even started.

Even without that, he might. What if he couldn't eat with the knots in his stomach?

Phineas shoved his shirts back into the drawer, attempting to push his worries aside and focus on the task of cleaning up. Pausing before grabbing more clothes from his bed, he tugged at the collar again. Was it choking him? It felt like it was choking him. What if it cut off his air and he passed out? He fumbled with the top button, managing to slide it through the hole after a few seconds.

He tried to take a deep breath. God, why did it still feel like that? Phineas leaned back against the dresser and the open drawer slid closed behind him. Why was this happening so often now? He thought it was getting better.

"Gah." He wasn't going to think about it. All he had to do was clean up his room. That's it. He didn't have a date. He just made a mess and needed to clean up. Keeping that in his head, Phineas stopped randomly shoving the stuff into the dresser and carefully folded each shirt he grabbed, losing himself in the task.

In the middle of folding the last shirt, a loud rap on the front door made him freeze. Phineas swallowed, eyes closing. It'll be fine. Opening his eyes, he set down the shirt.

"I can do this," he whispered, running his hands over the shirt he wore. "It's not a date, I'm just meeting up with someone. I can do this." Still, he didn't move from the spot. "It might not be him."

How would Ferbs even find him? What if he was some kind of stalker?

Phineas shook his head. Think positive. He needed to think positive about this. Except what was positive about this? Sighing, Phineas finally forced his feet to move when another bang struck the door.

When he reached it, he took a deep breath. His hand found the handle. The cold metal like ice against his skin. He could do this. He turned the handle and pulled the door open.

And then he slammed it shut again.

Phineas stood there, unmoving, staring at the closed door. It was him. And he'd just slammed the door on his soulmate.

Already this date was going badly.

Ferbs knocked on the door again, it sounded hesitant.

Phineas took a deep breath and held it. No, not a date. Just... just hanging out with a new friend. Because that was less horrifying. It would be like hanging out with Isabella. If Isabella was a guy. And not anything like Isabella. And this really wasn't helping. He slowly let out the breath.

Not a date not a date not a date-

He opened the door.

Ferbs smiled. "Hey."

"Hey." The reply was robotic. Ferbs was dressed similarly to himself, so Phineas was able to push away the fear of being underdressed. "Sorry for slamming the door on you."

Ferbs smiled turned more genuine. "Perfectly alright. I assume you get that from your sister."

That was random. When did Ferbs meet his sister? "What?"

"When I realised I didn't know where you lived, I wet back to the house where I ran into you. Your sister made it threatening clear that she would not give me your address before slamming the door in my face." Ferbs coughed slightly, shifting from one foot to the other. "Luckily, it is true what they say, there is an app for everything including where someone lives." For the first time since Phineas opened the door, Ferbs smile faltered. "It's actually quite concerning when you consider it."

"Uh, I guess it is," Phineas muttered.

A beat passed.

Ferbs gestured to the hallway. "Shall we get going?"

Right, they were going out. Not on a date. "Yes, right." He didn't move.

"Would you rather... stay in?"

Stay in alone, yes. But with Ferbs, no. That sounded way too intimate. Slowly, he moved one foot forward, then the other before closing and locking the door. This was it, the point of no return.

He tried to ignore the way his heart was already starting to pound as he put his focus on keeping his breathing slow and steady. His gaze didn't leave the floor as he turned and started for the elevator, Ferbs falling into step next to him.

Ferbs made a noise like he was going to say something but only sighed.

In the elevator, Phineas fought the urge to move to the opposite side wall from Ferbs. Ferbs hit the button for the first floor before drumming his fingers on his leg along to the elevator music that filled the silence. Phineas flinched once he recognized the song.

Ferbs fingers stilled. "Is everything alright?"

Not trusting his voice, or his tell for that matter, Phineas nodded. It wasn't like he was on a date he didn't want to be on at all and being forced to listen to an adjusted version of his mother's hit song because for some reason it was the most popular song for elevator music in the Tri-State Area. Oh, wait, he was.

Time dragged on. The song did nothing to defuse the mounting tension as they avoided looking at each other.

Ferbs had seemed excited about this before, now Phineas wouldn't be surprised if he didn't want to be there any more than him. Had he already screwed this up? They hadn't even left the building yet. Was he being too standoffish? Phineas shifted from one foot to the other. His eyes flickering from the walls that were closing in around them to the corners to the floor, anywhere but his soulmate. He should try harder. He'd been in plays back in school, he could do a better acting job than this. But that had scripts. Weeks of practice to make sure every line was spoken correctly. He didn't have that here. It would be easy to say the wrong word, make the wrong move, and mess everything up.

Why was this elevator so slow? He tried to swallow, but his mouth was too dry. Why did he have to do this again? His grandparents owned a nice cabin in the woods, maybe he could go there. No one would bother him. Maybe people would forget about him and the fact that he was supposed to have a soulmate. He'd be fine with Perry for company. Maybe he could get a dog too. He hadn't a had dog since he was little. That could be nice. They did more than platypuses.

The doors slid open.

Phineas wanted to run out of there. To keep running until he was far away. But his feet wouldn't cooperate, instead they moved at a leisurely walk. He willed them to move faster. But, with a growing sense of detachment, his pace didn't change.

Ferbs passed him but stayed close, opening the door for him when they reached it.

The light wind went right through his shirt as he stepped from the protection of the building. Phineas wrapped his arms around himself. The chill in the air was a random reminder that summer was drawing to a close.

Starting towards the street and the car parked there, Ferbs spoke again, "I think a change of plans are in order."

Phineas froze. This was it. Ferbs had had enough of him already. A mixture of sadness and relief flowed through him. Why was he sad? He shouldn't be sad. If Ferbs ditched him, then it would be okay for Phineas. No one would fault him if Ferbs turned him away. He'd be able to get back to his life and never have to think about soulmates again.

But Ferbs wouldn't be able to. His life would be ruined. He'd be the one shunned. And, while Phineas didn't know him well, he didn't seem like a bad guy.

"I made reservations," Ferbs continued, cutting off Phineas' train of thought, "but I think something simpler may be the better choice. What do you say to takeout and a movie?"

The relief dried up. "You're... not canceling the date?" Phineas mentally facepalmed. Why did he say that?

"No, of course not. Did you want to cancel?" The undertones of hurt and confusion in his voice sent a pang of guilt through Phineas.

'Yes' was on Phineas' tongue, but still he hesitated. Did he? Was the sadness at the idea of not going on the date or what would happen to Ferbs? Did he have a choice either way?

Phineas took a deep breath. "What movie?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, writing these characters _out_ of character is harder than writing them _in_ character. I keep wanting to make Ferb silent and keep having to look over my notes of his altered background to remind me why I'm making him talk.


	9. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I combined three rewrites of this chapter into one for this. If something contradicts something else, feel free to point it out because that's why.

Phineas didn't know what he expected when he climbed into Ferbs' convertible. As soon as he got his seat belt on Ferbs spoke, "How hungry are you?"

With the way his stomach was turning, he wasn't ready to eat, but saying 'no' didn't feel right because he was hungry. "Not very."

Ferbs nodded. The drive only lasted a few blocked before he parked in front of a highrise. In the silence that filled the air after he turned off the engine before climbing out the car. "Come along."

Other than glancing around again to make sure he wasn't missing something Phineas didn't move. "Where?" They weren't anywhere. Unless Ferbs planned to have them walk to a theater. Or maybe Ferbs lived here? He didn't know what kind of building it was. Considering how close it was to where he lived, he'd walked past it almost every day, but never paid attention.

"Trust me." Ferbs started walking, disappearing around the corner.

Should he? Ferbs hadn't given him any reason to. They were soulmates, but what did that mean in the real world? Sighing, Phineas opened the door and got out. He made sure not to slam it shut. Even he could tell that the car was high quality.

He paused a moment. Did that mean Ferbs had money? Not that it mattered. Money wouldn't make him fall for someone. He wasn't that shallow.

Shaking the thought from his head, Phineas finally followed Ferbs' path. The sooner they got through this, the sooner he could go home.

"What are we doing?" There was nothing behind the building. Well, there was, but nothing that drew his eyes or looked important.

Ferbs stepped towards him and held out a hand.

"I don't trust you." Phineas took his hand.

"Obviously." Ferbs tightened his grip. "Hold on."

"Wh-" The rest of the word was lost as Ferbs grabbed something, that Phineas couldn't make out, in his other hand, and suddenly they were in the air.

Phineas barely had time to come to terms with that when Ferbs pulled him up onto a fire escape platform. He took a minute to let his heart settle before glaring at his soulmate. "What was that?"

"Fast and efficient travel."

There were several things Phineas wanted to say to that, but he bit his tongue. At least he wasn't the one making this date go badly anymore.

The fire escape was large, giving plenty of room to walk around, and someone had put a planter on it with a few plants growing in it-was that allowed by code?

"Why are we up here, Ferb?" he gritted out.

Ferbs had walked to the railing, but his head shot towards Phineas at the question. "What did you call me?"

"Your name?" Phineas' felt a hint of confusion.

Still, Ferbs continue to face his direction without answering the question. "I must have misheard you." He turned back to the railing, resting his arms on it. "You can see the dive-in from here."

That wasn't an answer. If he wanted them to watch a movie at the drive-in, shouldn't they be at the drive-in? "So?"

Ferbs vaguely gestured to the drive-in theater. "I thought they'd all been shut, long ago before coming here. A relic left only to old movies and memories of the last generation," Ferbs said, his voice soft. "Yet there's one here. Amazing, isn't it? The more the world progresses, the more we long for the things once deemed obsolete." 

Phineas stared. But Ferbs was right, in a way. Slowly things that had been phased out due to new technologies, were making a come back, the drive-in one was just one of them. Several drive-in theaters had stayed open across the country but most had finally given in and closed a few years back. Danville's was one of the few still doing business. And it was probably the only thing that bought tourists to the city.

"I've always wanted to see a movie played on the big screen like that," he went on, seemly unfazed by Phineas not adding to the conversion. "Never thought I'd have the chance." He smiled at Phineas, not a big grin, but a small smile that felt genuine.

That still didn't explain why they were up here.

Ferbs turned back to the view. "Are you going to stand over there all night?"

Sighing, Phineas walked over to the railing, making sure to keep at least a foot between them. "If you like it so much, why are we here instead of there?"

"I don't fancy the idea of being stuck in a car that long." He shrugged one shoulder. "And I enjoy the view."

Phineas would admit that it was a nice view. You could see for miles this high up. And easily and clearly see the drive-in screen, that was still showing the pre-movie ads.

Something dawned on him. "We can't hear it."

"But we can." Ferbs stepped away from the railing before kneeling down by the planter. Twisting towards Phineas, he shot him a grin as he hit something on the seemingly wooden object. The front opened up to reveal a set of speakers. "Impressed?"

Honestly, Phineas was not. This didn't hold a candle to the wings. And he still wasn't sure how they got up here. "How long have you had this set-up?" Was this the plan all along and Ferbs just make up the stuff about having a reservation?

"A while." Ferbs tinkered with the speakers. "I've brought dates here before."

It didn't surprise him Ferbs had dated before since it was common for people to do so before meeting 'the one.' People who weren't destined to meet their soulmates until they were middle-aged or older would sometimes start long term relationships with people they liked, even have kids, until they met their soulmates. Phineas had to be gratefully for that, if they didn't neither he nor Candace would have been born.

But Ferbs hadn't needed to wait too long before meeting his meaning they were just for fun. Unless Ferbs was older than Phineas had assumed, but he kinda doubted that.

"I hope you don't mind," Ferbs added.

"I don't." Did people get upset about that kinda stuff? Was he supposed to be upset about it? Phineas frowned. Why was this so complicated?

With a short burst of static, sound burst from the speaker, and Ferbs stood up.

As the sound changed to the music of the opening credits, Ferbs hurried back to the railing. Unlike Phineas, he seemed to go out of his way to minimize the space between them without getting into personal space boundaries.

Phineas tried to ignore it and focus on the movie. He could pretend Ferbs wasn't there until it was over. Probably.

As long as Ferbs doesn't try to put an arm around him or something.


	10. Before a Fall

When the end credits started scrolling, Phineas still kept his eyes on the screen.

Ferbs tapped his fingers on the railing. "I wanted to be a director."

The randomness of the comment made Phineas look at him. "What?"

"When I was little, I wanted to be a director." He shrugged. "A childish dream that went nowhere. I'm sure you had them as well."

"Uh, yeah." Phineas could recall several impractical dreams he'd had, back when he had believed he could do something special with his life. "What changed?"

"Someone informed me that you have to talk in order to be a director."

"But you do talk?" Was he missing something? He had to be missing something. Or Ferbs was trying to confuse him.

"Yes, I suppose I do." The statement sounded oddly bitter. Ferbs pushed himself away from the railing. "But, at the time, it crushed the dream quite thoroughly."

Phineas frowned. Why did he bring the subject up if he was going to act like that about it? "Why are you telling me this?"

Ferbs raised an eyebrow. "The purpose of going on a date is to get to know each other unless you wish to skip the trivial courting period and move on to the next level of the relationship?"

Next level? The memory of Isabella talking about getting married so soon after meeting Ferbs came to him. Phineas swallowed. "No. I'm good with this level."

Phineas leaned slightly over the side of the fire escape. The sounds of people talking drifted up and as a small group walked passed the building. How high up were they? Several stories, but he'd never been that great at estimating.

"What's stopping you from becoming one now?" Moving a hand off the rail, he let it dangle over empty air.

"Loss of interest." Ferbs had come back to the edge and mimicked Phineas' pose. "What did you dream of?"

He'd dreamed of countless things. None of them he wanted to share. Ferbs might not have kept his, but it was realistic. Phineas couldn't claim that about his own. Maybe once he'd believed they were, but he'd been proven wrong on that.

Even now, what dreams did he have? What did he have at all as far as ambition went? He couldn't manage to keep a job and, despite his sister's assurances, he knew he wouldn't be happy with any job he could reasonably get. The cycle would start over again, and he'd grow bored with the repetitiveness and end up being fired for something-or-other.

Phineas shrugged.

Ferb tilted his head before nodding. "That's your problem."

"What?" There was more of a snap in his voice then he'd meant, but Phineas didn't take it back.

"You don't believe in the impossible. You should, it's much more fascinating than all of," Ferbs waved his hand at the world below, "this."

"How the hell did you get that from a shrug?" What nonsense was this?

Ferbs opened his mouth then closed it, his brow furrowing. Finally, he shrugged himself. "No clue."

"Well, you're wrong." That wasn't his problem. That was too simple an answer to his problems. Believing something didn't make it true, and it didn't make issues go away. If it did, everyone would do it.

After a moment, Ferbs looked away from him. "It was a strange thought, anyway."

"Yeah."

The wind picked up, flowing through his shirt and hitting his skin. Phineas shivered. It shouldn't be this cold during summer. He remembered the summers being warmer when he was little. They'd be hot and you wouldn't want to go outside in more than shorts half the time. Until that one summer when it started snowing. They never felt as warm after that.

Ferbs moved away from him. Phineas glanced back to see he was closing up the speaker but otherwise didn't pay him any attention.

Until Ferb came back and ran a hand along the railing before lifting one long leg over it.

Phineas' eyes widened. "What are you doing?"

Grinning, Ferbs followed it up with the other leg, pressing his heels between the gaps in the posts as he sat on the railing. He turned his head to face Phineas. "You do wish to return to the ground, don't you?" Ferbs brushed one hand across the cuff of the other one.

Biting his tongue, Phineas nodded and waited to see what he planned to do. The wings? Phineas was sure he'd be able to see them if that was it, even if they were somehow folded up small. Ferbs' shirt wasn't tight but fit snugly enough across his back that it would be impossible to hide anything there. And his shirt itself would get in the way of that. But Ferb's had this set up ahead of time, it wasn't out of the question that he'd have something else in place to get down.

Ferbs pushed away from the handrail. Phineas flinched, but his soulmate didn't fall.

He glanced at Ferbs' feet. There didn't look to be anything under him, but at this point, it wouldn't surprise him if Ferb had built an invisible floor that unfolded at the push of a button or something.

"Come on." Ferbs held out a hand.

A hiss left Phineas' mouth as he tried to raise one leg high enough to get over it. Putting his leg back down, he rubbed his thigh. Why did he have to be short? Another one of life's unfair aspects. His mom was tall. For crying out loud, Candace was taller than him.

Ferb tilted his head. "Do you need help?"

"No. I got it." Bracing himself on it with one hand, he awkwardly managed to hook one knee over the top and slowly slid himself over it.

He narrowed his eyes at the invisible floor or whatever. It was convincing. If he didn't see Ferbs standing on it, he'd believe there wasn't anything there. Ferbs had moved closer to him, hand still offered. Dismissing it, he jumped off the railing.

"Phineas!"

For one heart-stopping moment, he was falling. Then something jerked him to a stop. Phineas clamped a hand over his mouth. He could have died. He almost died. He fell. He shouldn't have fell. Ferbs hadn't fell. The hand moved from his mouth to his throat. His breath suddenly coming in fast gasps. He almost died. He almost died.

"Are you bloody mad?" Ferbs yelled.

He almost died. He was still falling. The fire escape they'd been on was farther away now. Oh God, what if they weren't? What if he was? What if he was still falling, and it only felt like he wasn't? He closed his eyes. Is this what falling felt like?

He didn't want to die. Someone was talking. It's far away. He couldn't focus on it. Why can't he breathe? He pulled at his shirt. It hurt. He kept trying to pull in more air. It wasn't helping. Why wasn't it helping?

Something hard pressed against his chest and stomach. Then it was gone. Against his back. Gone again. Something's got his shoulder. Someone touches his chest. His hand's held against something. Something was pressing on his chest. Too much pressure.

"Phineas!"

His eyes open. Everything's blurry. Green. Talking.

"...lead...i...out...aes...please...wit...in...bre...so..."

Pain in his wrist. In his chest. Why won't it stop?

"...I'm...sorry."

It stopped.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Ferbs was on his sofa.

Phineas didn't know why his soulmate was sleeping on his sofa in his apartment. It was one more confusing thing to add to the growing list of confusing things. Something had happened yesterday. He knew that, but it was blurry and didn't make any sense in his head.

What happened that led to Ferbs sleeping on his sofa? He didn't even look comfortable. His legs were hanging off one end and his head was bent at an angle that was sure to make his neck hurt when he woke up.

Phineas pressed his hand against his mouth, smothering a yawn. Apart of him wanted to forget Ferbs was here and go back to sleep. Even if he'd already slept later than he normally did. At least, he believed he had, he couldn't find his phone to check the time and didn't feel like booting up his laptop.

Phineas made a mental note to buy a wall clock.

Was it creepy that he was watching him sleep? Probably. It vaguely reminded him of that movie about the vampire and werewolf his sister had dragged him to years ago. But it was interesting to him in a way he couldn't explain. Ferbs seemed smaller asleep, somehow, even though he took up the entire sofa.

Ferbs shifted, lifting his head from where it was buried in the crook of his elbow. His bleary eyes locked onto Phineas.

Why Ferbs had kept his eyes hidden had certainly been a question in Phineas' mind. The pink tinge of Ferbs' right sclera, that seemed to highlight the deep blue of his eyes, and the surrounding discoloration gave a convincing answer.

They stared at each other.

Whatever surprise the black eye had caused Phineas disappeared as he realized that Ferbs had caught him watching him sleep. Phineas looked away, cheeks burning. It was creepy.

Ferbs shot up on the sofa but remained seated.

When Phineas glanced back, the sunglasses were back in place. "I already saw it."

Rather than take them off, Ferbs tilted his head and shrugged.

"Why are you here?" Phineas had a weird feeling that Ferbs was staring intently at him under those mirrored lens. It was different from the mental undressing he'd been sure of yesterday but felt just as intrusive. Maybe more. He wrapped his arms around himself. "Stop that."

Ferbs stretched his arms over his head before flinching and rubbing the back of his neck.

"What are you doing here?" The sooner Ferbs told him, the sooner he could tell him to leave, and then Phineas could go back to bed. Maybe. He was kind of awake now. As if to contradict that, he yawned again.

Hands smoothing out his heavily wrinkled shirt, Ferbs said, "You had some type of panic attack. You were rambling incoherently, and as such, I decided it would be best to not leave you alone." He paused a second. "I tried to calm you down, but it was unsuccessful, and I—" Breaking off, Ferbs ducked his head slightly.

"You what?" His self-hug tightened. What had Ferbs done?

"I brought you home after you... you fainted for a minute for two."

Phineas' eyes widened. He'd fainted? He'd never fainted during an attack. Was he getting worse? The attacks had been coming more frequently. What would cause that? He remembered a news story about a guy fainting and cracking his head open and it led to them finding out he had a brain tumor that caused the fainting in the first place. What if he had a brain tumor? What kind of doctor did you go to to find that out?

Ferbs had raised his head, and he frowned at Phineas. "I wouldn't concern yourself with it."

Phineas fought to keep his voice level, "Why wouldn't I be concerned?" Didn't he get it? Fainting was a big deal. There could be something actually wrong with him. Did Ferbs really care enough to spend the night but not enough to be concerned about his overall health? How did that make any sense?

"You were hyperventilating. A simple lack of oxygen could account for it." Ferbs stood. "Perhaps I should go."

Ferbs had barely taken a single step when Phineas blurted out, "Wait!"

"Yes?"

Phineas licked his lips. "Where's my iPhone?" He didn't know why he felt Ferbs would know. Maybe because he'd been here. It was just as likely he wouldn't know.

Raising his eyebrows, Ferbs pointed at the counter. The phone in question sat in clear view. "Is that all?"

"Yes, I mean, no." Did he really want to ask? "I mean, how'd you get the black eye?" Phineas didn't know why he wanted to know.

Ferbs faced him, unmoving for a few seconds, before giving him a tight-lipped smile. "I'll tell you how when you tell me how you gained your own war wound."

Phineas' mind blanked for a reply. If Ferbs had brought him home, it wasn't outrageous that he'd seen Phineas without his shirt but hearing was different. It was a sensitive topic and Ferbs was acting like it was a joke. A surge of anger hit Phineas.

"Get out." The words were barely above a whisper.

Ferbs' brow furrowed. "What?"

"Get out!" It was too much. He pressed his palms against his closed eyes. His heart was already speeding up. Why did this keep happening? He didn't want this. He couldn't do this. It was too much. Too fast. He wasn't ready.

"Phineas?" The sudden switch in Ferbs' tone, the pure concern, almost made Phineas want to take it back.

"Please, leave." He needed his pills. He needed to think. Alone. He needed to be alone.

"Alright." Footfalls on the wooden floor followed his path to the door. "Phineas, I didn't..." He trailed off. "Take care of yourself."

Phineas waited until the door had closed behind him and then some. With every second, the anger faded, guilt taking its place. His heartbeat still felt off but had slowed down to its normal rhythm.

Why couldn't he just put up with it? Do what was expected of him? Whatever that was. He didn't even know.

Didn't it mean something that Ferbs had stayed? Even if Phineas didn't like it.

Why couldn't he just be happy?

Why did he constantly do things to keep himself from being happy?

Removing his hands from his eyes, he swallowed, mouth dry. Phineas walked across the room to the kitchen counter and picked up his phone. Unlocking it, it ignored the notification that he had several dozen missed texts and went straight to contacts.

Letting himself sink to the floor, he waited for it to stop ringing.

"Isabella?" he croaked out. "I screwed up." It took everything not to tack an 'again' onto the end of his sentence.


	12. Sweevil

After a long conversation with Isabella that didn't help at all, she was insistent that he was overreacting, Phineas crawled back into bed. He curled up under soft, warm covers, wanting to ignore the world.

Ignore this newest screw up in a long line of screw-ups.

A blaring alarm echoed through the apartment.

Phineas groaned into his pillow before pulling himself out of bed, just in case this one of the few times it wasn't a false fire alarm. He took his time getting dressed before snagging his phone, wallet, and keys.

"Perry?" He didn't see his pet. Thinking about it, Phineas didn't remember seeing the platypus when Ferbs was there either. Either way, if Perry managed to get out of the apartment on other days, he could get out today too. With that thought, Phineas continued on his way out.

They say not to take an elevator during a fire.

Phineas took the elevator.

The few other tenants who hadn't gone to work or didn't work gathered on the sidewalk outside. He'd barely stepped around the small group when someone grabbed his arm.

Phineas followed the arm to the lady staring at him. "Hello, Mrs. Thompson."

"Do you know what happened?"

"No, ma'am." He had an idea. The man who lived the penthouse had probably blown something up again. At least the whole top of the building hadn't gone up this time.

She was squinting at him with eyes as gray as her hair. "You remind me of my downstairs neighbor."

Sighing, Phineas forced up a smile for her. "I am your downstairs neighbor, Mrs. Thompson."

She didn't seem to be listening. "He's a nice boy. He helped me with my groceries." A frown pulled at her lips. "I can't seem to recall his name."

"Phineas," Phineas supplied.

That made her smile, the laugh-lines around her eyes growing more prominent at the movement. "Yes, that's right. Do you know him?" Before he could answer, she turned back to the building. "My granddaughter was supposed to visit today. I do hope she doesn't see the smoke and worry."

Patting Phineas' arm, she smiled at him again. "I should introduce you to her. She's a lovely girl. About your age."

"That's alright, Mrs. Thompson." He didn't know where she was going with that, but it didn't matter. He somewhat doubted she'd remember this conversion long enough to bring him up to her granddaughter.

She opened her mouth, but before she could speak another female voice cut in.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Thompson, but I need to borrow Phineas." And then he was grabbed by the other arm.

What was it with people and grabbing him today? With a call of good-bye, Phineas allowed himself to be led down the sidewalk.

"Figured you needed a recuse before she got to the pictures." Vanessa glanced over her shoulder at him with a small smile.

"I wouldn't have minded if she had." It wasn't the first time she'd talked aimlessly to him. He really didn't mind. She was old and lonely.

Basically, where his life was currently heading. Minus the children and granddaughter.

Letting go of his arm, Vanessa casually swiped a lollipop as they passed by a kid. The little boy immediately started wailing.

Phineas sped up a bit, wanting to get farther away from the scene sure to follow.

"Yeah, I know," she said, stripping the plastic off the sucker.

Casting a look behind him, he could still see her standing at the edge of the crowd. "Do think she'll be okay until her granddaughter shows up?"

"Yeah, someone there will help her. Her granddaughter's not coming, anyway."

Phineas frowned. "How do you know?"

"She mistook me for the girl a while back. Turns out, her family hasn't come to see her in years. They won't even pitch in to get her a nurse or anything." Sticking the lollipop in her mouth for a second, she shrugged. "So someone has to keep an eye on her."

Even as long as he'd known her, she still found ways to surprise him. But maybe he shouldn't be. She'd never been anything but nice to him and Candace.

"I never knew she was that alone."

"Yeah, I think, other than me, Dad's the only person who frequently talks to her." Her pace slowed. "I mean, my family's screwed up, but we still talk."

"Speaking of your dad," Phineas jabbed a thumb over his shoulder, "was that his doing?"

"Probably, Uncle Perry was still there when I left and so was Dad's newest inator."

Phineas would never be over the fact that one of her uncles and his platypus shared a name.

Vanessa spun on her high heel, long brown hair flying around her shoulders. "And those two things together means somethings bound to explode soon or later. It doesn't matter if Dad's not actively evil anymore, his inventions still end up exploding."

Phineas just nodded. When she got into the "good" and "evil" talks, she always lost him. It didn't matter that he'd been hearing those debates since he was little and she'd come over to complain about her dad to Candace. And about...

His eyes widened as it dawned on him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"What's it like for your parents? Being disowned soulmates and all?" With anyone else, he wouldn't dare ask, but with Vanessa, it felt okay. She was pretty open about her life, even if she wasn't about anything else.

Yanking the lollipop from her mouth, she pointed it at him with a glare. "Don't even think about it."

"As much as I like pointing, I'm not planning anything. I just—I'm curious." He made himself keep his voice casual. Pissing her off was still not an option. Neither was giving her the idea that this was something his mom, or worse, Candace should know about.

"I grew up having to watch the world treat my dad like shit because no matter where he went or what he did, the people there knew he left his soulmate. No one deserves to go through that." By the time she finished, the words were no more than a whisper. "I don't know what's going through your head, but don't."

"Yeah, okay. I wasn't going to." Did he agree with her? He wasn't sure. He sure felt crappy enough to believe he might deserve it. "Where are we going?"

Turning back around, Vanessa restarted their walk. "Little Duffer's. It reopened last week, and there's no way I'm going there by myself. Helping an old lady is hurting my evil cred enough."

It sounded fun. He remembered going there when he was little. "What about work?" Last he checked, she had a job.

"I'm off today. There was a raid at our new 'abandoned' warehouse. Now, are you coming or are you afraid of getting your ass kicked by me in mini-golf?"

Ignoring the first part, Phineas laughed, running to catch up. "In your dreams."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't if Mrs. Thompson is supposed to have memory issues, but judging by her conversation with Heinz in the movie, it seems probable.


	13. Chapter 13

"You know, I may have over-romanticized the memories of this game." Phineas twisted the putter around in his hands.

"What, you're not having fun?" Vanessa lounged against the wall of the indoor course.

"No. No, I am. It's just not as great as I remember." But the place had closed down when he was ten, and it had been a while since he'd been there before it's closing. "It's like those kiddie rides outside Superduper Mega Superstore, they were great when I was toddler, but once I got a little older it was just... awkward. Not that rocking back-and-forth and slowness is bad, necessarily, but it's boring after like age five." He shrugged, staring at the course.

"Are you stalling?"

"What? No!" He wasn't. But this was one of the harder shots. The ball needed to hit at just the right angle to bounce off all six walls, go through the windmill, and into the hole. It was mostly down to math.

Sadly, math was not Phineas' strongest suit. He could do it, but without a calculator or some paper, it sometimes took a little while to get the numbers right in his head.

"Whatever." Vanessa casually looked around the area before reaching into the pocket of her form-fitting leather jacket. Pulling out a tiny box, she pressed a button on it. A green light lit up on its front.

Recognizing the device, Phineas sighed. "I thought this was a fun outing."

"It's both." She turned the jammer over in her hand. "What do you know about P.I.G.?"

"The animal?"

"The organization."

Phineas shrugged. Honestly, he didn't know much about them. Sure, he had heard of them on online forums. They were a subject of rumor and, as far as he knew, no one had proof they actually existed.

If they did and were tasked with keeping aliens from becoming known, like the rumors said, they sucked at their job since real, verified UFOs had been shown live on five o'clock news more times than Phineas cared to count.

"They deal with aliens and are probably made up."

Vanessa shook her head slightly. "They're not, considering they raided us this morning."

"Still not sure what this has to do with me." Phineas swung the putter above the ball in a practice swing.

"I want you to hack them and find out why they came after us."

Lowering the putter, he sighed. "Nessa, if they're real, they're a government group. Hacking them is a whole lot different than me hacking into your husband's email." He still didn't know why she had him do that either, but he didn't feel it was his place to ask. "This would be an actual crime."

"So you can't do it?" Her voice had taken on an edge he didn't care for.

"Not can't, won't." As much as he trusted Vanessa, he knew next to nothing about the organization she worked for, giving them government information didn't sound like the brightest idea.

"It's not like I want the information for anything evil."

"So why do you want it?" Giving up on trying to get the calculations perfect, Phineas swung. The ball made it all the way into two inches of the hole before coming to a stop. He sighed.

She reached into her pocket again, pulling out a slim envelope that looked too long to have fit in there.

Phineas frowned. "What's that?"

"All I know about it and what I need to know about." Holding it out to him, she waved it back and forth slightly. "You can't tell me you're not curious."

Curiously wasn't enough, even if he could feel his brewing. Phineas pitched his nose, trying to push the feeling back. That old saying about curiosity killing the cat was right. At least, it had never gotten him anywhere good.

"I'll pay you twice what I did last time."

"Last time was different." He could use the money though. He took the envelope. "This better not come back to bite me."

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about it, I'm me, remember? If anything comes of it, I'll take care of it."

Sizing up his own pockets, Phineas tried to figure out where it put it. "Can I fold this?"

"Yeah. Do you know Danny's?"

"The music shop?" Phineas gently folded the papers over.

"The bar." Once Phineas nodded, she continued, "I'm meeting an old friend there Saturday. Eight pm."

"Bring the info, yeah, I got it." Something told Phineas this was going to backfire on him. Somehow.

* * *

Phineas knelt at the side of his bed before bending over to look under it. One brown eye stared at him. "Have you been under there all day, Perry?"

The platypus chattered.

Maybe that's one of the places he hid every day. It's not like Phineas looked under there often. Brushing it off, the reached under, shifting a few small boxes out the way until he found what he was searching for.

Pulling out the case, he ran his hand over it. A bit of dust flying off at the action.

He sat up and crossed his legs under him. His fingers hesitated on the latches. He half-expected it to be broken every time he opened it, despite how many persuasions he took. None of his other inventions lasted this long.

He flipped it open. Not wasting a moment, he ran his eyes over it for any signs of damage before taking it out.

It didn't look like much. A few motherboards and chips and wires and whatever else he'd manage to scavenge up of as a teen coated in a mostly clear, plastic casing. He smiled.

At his touch, it lit up. Waiting for the computer to boot-up, he went to pull out the envelope. His smile fell when his hand touched something else in there too. Had something fallen out of it?

He removed both items. Setting the envelope down, he turned over the other item in his hand.

It was some business card. His mouth went dry. He didn't need to read it to know whose it was. Did he even want it? He'd manage to put that had happened that morning from his mind, but it flooded back now. Letting out a breath, he rubbed at his eyes.

If it did this for Nessa and got caught, maybe he'd just tell her to let what happens happen. If the government made him disappear, at least he wouldn't have to be bothered with all this soulmate stuff.

He could throw the card away later. The computer had booted up, the holographic screen and keyboard pulsing. He'd have to check the wires when he was done hacking. He'd do it first, but he was on a deadline and his store brought laptop wasn't untraceable.

This could be good. A few hours of concentrated work to find or create a backdoor to keep his mind off his real problems.

It's not like his problems had a deadline, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it lost direction near the middle, but it's been too long since I last updated and things need setting in motion.


	14. Let It In

Phineas yawned. He'd done the most he could last night as far as the hacking went. It had simplified things that a rumor on a conspiracy forum about someone working there had panned out. And that that someone used the same email address for casual and work emails. Plus, their password was password. One would think government agents wouldn't fall into that trap.

Overall, it was almost too easy.

"Phineas?"

The voice was vaguely familiar but he couldn't place it as he looked around. The street was busy this time of day, he wasn't sure how anyone would even see him to recognize him.

Phineas jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder.

When he turned around, the man started speaking, "I thought that was you. No one else in this city has that hair that red."

"Hey," Phineas dragged out the word. There was brown hair sticking out from under the guy's beanie and a kind smile on his face. Phineas' brow furrowed. He knew him. He knew he knew him. "Django?" the name slipped from him before he could question his guess.

Judging by the smile he got in return, he'd guessed right. "Yeah, how have you been? I haven't seen you since like high school."

"I'm okay." Someone bumped into Phineas from behind.

"We should catch up!" Django looped one tattooed arm around Phineas' shoulders as he started walking. "I know this awesome cafe that's on the next block over. Steam Noir, you ever been?"

Shaking his head, Phineas let himself be led. It could be nice to catch up with his old friend. It wasn't like they hadn't talked at all since Django moved out of Danville, but their paths had diverged. It was only normal to fall out of touch.

* * *

The coffeehouse was somewhat crowded, but no one there looked happy to be there. The only people smiling were Django and a woman browsing one of the two bookshelves in the place.

Django let him go when they got to the counter. "I'll have a soy, hazelnut, vanilla, white mocha with caramel. Phineas?"

"Are you buying mine?" Phineas tried to put some humor into his tone, even though he was completely serious. He could see the prices, he wasn't spending ten bucks on a drink or on any other outrageously priced item here.

He stared at Phineas a moment. "Dude, your mom's loaded, you can't find the pocket change for a coffee?"

"No. You just said it, my mom's got money, not me." And she wasn't loaded either. She got by on the royalty checks and her concerts, and he knew she had enough to retire on if she ever decided to, but she wasn't rich.

The barista handed off the complicated drink, and Django paid. She cleared her throat, cueing them to move on if Phineas wasn't ordering. They did.

Sliding into a chair by one of the large windows, Django picked the conversion back up, "So what? Did she cut you off totally?"

Phineas plopped down across from him. And immediately frowned at the hard cushion on the seat. He glanced over to the sofas, wondering if they were more comfortable. "No."

"Then what's the problem, man?" Django reached into his shirt pocket.

"For your information, I'm making my own way in life rather than leach off of her and her ill-gained success." Once he said it, he flinched. That whole 'think before you speak' thing? He really needed to remember to put it into practice.

Fingers halfway out his pocket, Django froze. "That's harsh, man. I remember her, she's good people." He pulled out something white, his other hand coming up with a lighter.

"Yeah, I know." Looking at the white stick thing, Phineas frowned. "What is that? A cigarette? Can you smoke here?" Twisting in his chair, he glanced around for any sign about it. Most places had banned indoor smoking. Some even banned smoking on the property outside their buildings.

"Nah," he held it up like a prize, "this here's a joint."

"A joint," Phineas deadpanned.

"It's legal."

"Not here." When Django just shrugged and lit it, Phineas scowled. He could already smell it, despite the almost overwhelming scent of coffee. "Seriously, what the hell happened to you?"

"I'm an artist." He paused to take a breath of the smoke and enjoy it before letting it back out. "The circles I hang with expect a certain demeanor. If you don't stay up with the times, you get left behind." Another puff. "That's why I'm here. The Jefferson County Museum of Contemporary Art is setting me up with an exhibit." He took a sip of his coffee.

That made Phineas smile. "That's great. You still into the, uh, graffiti art?" He'd never been into the style.

"Street art," Django corrected before grinning. "Nah, I got out of that a few years back. It got too mainstream. Now, I'm into miniatures."

Phineas couldn't stop a laugh. He leaned forward, folding his arms on the table. "What's your dad think of that?"

Beppo Brown was an environmental installation artist whose specialty was sculptures of oversized versions of everyday objects. For Django to go into miniatures, it sounded like a strange way of following his dad's footsteps with his own figuratively smaller ones.

"He's proud." Shrugging, Django seemed to become overly interested in his coffee cup. "He's always proud of us." He took a sip. "We did an exhibit together, using the size differences to create optical illusions..."

Phineas nodded, gaze wandering to the window as he listened.

Green hair. It was just a flash, but it made his mouth go dry. Even if it was him, he wouldn't see Phineas. He couldn't. There were too many cars passing by for someone on the opposite side of the street to see him in here. Still, Phineas subconsciously leaned back in his seat, searching for another glimpse.

And, seriously, why were there so many people out on the street today?

"...will you come?"

Phineas blinked, turning back to his old friend, even as his mind was still on the person outside.

When he didn't reply, Django clarified, "To the opening of my exhibit? You always went with me when my dad had one in town." He glanced down to Phineas' wrist, the sleeve cover it having ridden up a few inches when he'd leaned back. "Bring your soulmate if you want."

"No." The word slipped out before Phineas groaned. "I mean, yes, I'll come, but I don't think bringing him would be a good idea right now."

Django's eyebrows had risen while Phineas spoke. "Him?"

Shit.

Taking a long breath on his joint, Django stared at him.

"Yes, him." Did it really matter? It wasn't like Django would run off to scream it from the rooftops or something.

"I almost pity the dude."

Phineas blinked. What was that supposed to mean? "Excuse me?"

"Forget it, man." Django rested his chin in his empty hand. "How's the therapy going?"

"I'm not in therapy, now what did you mean by-"

"They finally give you that clean bill of health?"

Phineas scowled. "You're not going to answer my question are you?"

He shrugged. "Dunno."

Seeing where this was going, Phineas sighed. "Look, I'm fine, alright? I'm over it. Past it. Whatever."

"You talk to Baljeet?"

Phineas couldn't stop the incredulous laugh. Like Baljeet would ever willing talk to him after what happened. He wouldn't be surprised if the guy had a restraining order against him. Or he might just be betting on his soulmate breaking Phineas' back if he ever got that close. "I said I'm over it, not him."

Django frowned slightly at him. "Everybody knows it was an accident, Phin. He can't hold it against you forever." Leaning back, he spread out his arms. "Love, peace, forgiveness. You gotta let all that shit in man."

"Right," he dragged out the word. "Cause I really want to let shit in."

Letting his arms fall, Django rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah." It was still easier said than done. It wasn't even like he'd been friends with Baljeet before the incident. And afterwards... He absently rubbed at his chest.

Maybe one day they'd get there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had some fun with Django this chapter.


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Night Out

Phineas scrunched up his nose as he walked into the bar. Between the stench of the drinks served there and the blaring music, it was as claustrophobic as he remembered. He'd only been here once before, not really by choice, people just had the strange idea that dragging him out to places like this was helping him.

Why did people think that if you're young, you automatically want to spend your nights in barrooms and clubs, partying?

He kept his head down, quickly moving towards the back of the room.

The speakers must have been near the front since he could actually hear himself think once he sat down.

Vanessa smiled at him, an already half-empty glass in her hand. "Hey, Phineas. Did you bring it?"

"Yeah." He didn't move to pull out the flash drive. If he was going to back out, this was his last chance. He didn't even know what he was handing over really since he'd grabbed any file containing the keywords she'd given him without actually reading more than a few sentences of each.

What if he was doing the wrong thing here?

But it was Vanessa. How bad could it be? He stared at her.

Okay, so it could be very bad.

He really should have thought about this on the way over. Or anything before that. Alright, he needed to stall.

"I thought your old friend was supposed to meet you here?" Unless it was a play on words and she'd meant him by an old friend. He couldn't tell if that would be a cool or lame thing to do, and Vanessa didn't exactly do lame.

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "He's late."

"Only fashionably."

Phineas froze at the voice. He had to be wrong. There was no way he was her old friend. That was impossible. It had to be impossible. He kept his eyes on her.

"Right." Taking a sip of her drink, she turned to look at the maybe-Ferbs and immediately choked.

Maybe-Ferbs moved towards her and clapped her on the back, drawing Phineas' attention to him.

And, shit, it was him. It was confirmed, the universe hated him. Phineas glanced around, heart beginning to pound. Could he run? They'd notice for sure, even with Vanessa coughing like that. Duck under the table? He'd look like an idiot if they saw him. He stared at his lap. Maybe if he stayed still, Ferbs wouldn't pay attention to him.

Vanessa's coughing subsided. "What are you wearing?"

"Why? Do you like it?"

"Like is not the word I would use."

For some inexplicable reason, Ferbs sat down on the table. "Well, what word would you use?"

She didn't say anything but Ferbs snorted like she had.

Phineas frowned. Maybe they were whispering. At least, he hadn't been knowledged.

"Where are my manners? Ferbs this is Phineas—"

So much for that.

"We've met." Ferb twisted around to face him. "Do you share in Vanessa's opinion?"

He should have crawled under the table. Still not looking, he tried to force his dry tongue into action. "On what?"

"My outfit."

What did Ferbs want from him? Was this one of those dating custom things where he was supposed to compliment him? Or was it a casual question? Phineas swallowed. Ferbs didn't seem upset at him about their last meeting, but what if he answered wrong and Ferbs retracted whatever forgiveness he'd given him?

Before he could try to formulate a response, Vanessa came to his rescue, possibly not on purpose. "If I thought you'd take me seriously, I wouldn't have said it."

"How else would I take such a brilliant suggestion?" There was a hint of forced sounding innocence in Ferbs' tone.

Vanessa muttered something too low for Phineas to hear over the music.

"So mate," Ferbs paused. "So mate, soulmate, so my mate-"

"I honestly can't tell if you're drunk or if this a side effect of hanging around Dad."

Phineas glanced up just enough to watch them. Or watch Ferbs. If he was drunk already, that added another thing to worry about to Phineas' list.

Blinking, Ferbs picked at one of the manufactured tears in his jeans. "It is reasonably possible that I went to the wrong bar at first."

"Did you decide to wear the crop-top before or after that?" Vanessa raised the now empty glass to her lips before frowning at it.

"I've always liked short shirts."

"What happened to short skirts?"

Ferbs' fingers stilled. "Kilts."

Vanessa blinked. "What?"

Turning to face her, he repeated the word, "Kilts."

"Okay, what happened to short... kilts?" She sounded like she was questioning her own words.

Growing up, there had been several times Phineas had witnessed a conversation between his mom and Candace where things were being said without being said. Most of the time because they were actually speaking of something they didn't want him knowing about. Other times... he didn't actually know what the other times were about.

Anyway, he hadn't liked being talked around then, and he didn't like it anymore now.

"Kilts?" Phineas immediately regretted speaking up when they both looked at him.

A smug grin spread across Ferbs' face. "I have the legs for it."

"Whatever." Vanessa rolled her eyes. "If you boys'll excuse me, I'm going grab a refill." Without waiting for a reply, she left her seat.

"Um." Phineas watched Vanessa back, wishing she had stayed to save him from whatever conversation was coming.

Ferb likewise turned to watch her go. Though, from the way he leaned forward and let his sunglasses slid down a bit, Phineas had a feeling he was looking for very different reasons.

Should he say something about that? It was rude to check out someone else when the person we're supposed to be with is right there, isn't it? Or did Phineas have this backwards? Or maybe it didn't count since they weren't on the best terms at the moment?

Phineas sunk down in his seat. Could the universe just strike him dead already? Or maybe living through this was the punishment it had devised for him.

"Do you not believe me?"

"Huh?" He glanced at Ferbs. "I-no. I'm... sure you have lovely legs?" That was the right thing to say, right? People like compliments. Except, was it a compliment?

And Ferbs was still staring at him. Or probably staring. He was facing him. Couldn't he just take off those sunglasses? So what he had a black-eye? Was that worth the risk of walking into something because it was already way too dark in here without wearing something that blocks out light?

He needed to say something else. Change the subject. Phineas swallowed. He didn't drink, but he starting to consider taking it up. "Aren't kilts Scottish?"

Propping himself up with an arm, Ferbs leaned towards him. "Yes, yes, they are."

Phineas shoved himself against the cushioned back. "But you're not Scottish?" He might know next to nothing about British accents, but he was positive Ferbs' wasn't Scottish.

One eyebrow slipped up on Ferbs' forehead. "Half."

Phineas blinked. Where was Vanessa? Shouldn't she be back by now? "Half what?"

Ferbs didn't reply right away. Then he pulled away from Phineas and sighed. "I'm half Scottish."

Right, he should have put that together. Phineas stared at his hands in his lap. Was Ferbs dragging this out on purpose? Did he want to catch him off guard? Or maybe he didn't want to mess up Vanessa's night out.

That made sense. He was just acting like nothing happened because of her. Phineas felt something ease in his chest. They'd have a nice, calm, friendly time together.

And Ferbs could completely go off on him when they were alone. If they ever were alone.

Which, if it was up to him, they never would be.

"Off the table."

Ferbs jumped off, taking one of the glasses Vanessa was holding. "They couldn't let you use a tray?"

Putting down the other two glasses, she shrugged. Vanessa slid one of them over to Phineas.

He stared at the pinkish liquid. "I don't drink."

Ferbs took the seat next to her.

"It's a Shirley Temple. Zero alcohol."

"Oh." He still didn't make a move to drink it, but he wrapped a hand around the glass just to give himself something to do.

"So," Vanessa started, raising the glass to her lips, "just remember, this makes you the designated driver."

Phineas sighed. He should have found a way out of this when he had the chance.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Another World

Phineas was bored out of his mind. Twisting around in his seat, he glanced towards the door. He could probably leave without them noticing.

After a few drinks, for them at least, he was still nursing his first, some song had started playing that had Ferbs dragging Vanessa from her seat for an impromptu dance.

There had been several songs since then, all fast-pace things Phineas had never heard before and couldn't be bothered to try making out the lyrics of. And they were still jumping and swinging in the empty floor space in some dance that Phineas was positive they were making up as they went along despite how in sync their moves were.

Phineas tossed back the rest of his drink before getting up. They were having fun. He wouldn't be missed. He wasn't sure they even remembered he was there. Besides, if it wasn't for the flash drive, he wouldn't have been invited anyway. Speaking of, he pulled the flash drive from his jean pocket. He glanced between it and them then he shoved it back in.

If she wanted it that badly, she'd contact him.

He stood up, ready to walk away when he stopped. Was he supposed to bring the glass to the bar or leave it at the table? He tried to remember the protocol from last time he'd been here.

"Phineas?"

Really? Just really? What did he do to make the universe conspire against his every move?

Except the whole denying his soulmate thing.

But that wasn't a big enough thing for this kind of punishment, was it? Other people turned down their soulmates.

Occasionally.

He looked up from the glass.

Ferbs held out a hand to him. "Would you like to dance?"

Not unless he was dancing out of here. Instead of voicing that, Phineas forced a weak smile. "That's alright. You and Vanessa should keep doing what you're doing."

Ferbs tilted his head. "I may have come here to spend time with her, but that doesn't excuse me ignoring you. I think I need to rectify that."

"Uh..." Phineas blinked. Was he serious right now? "I'm–I'm not a great dancer?" His hand twitched, and he curled it into a fist.

"I doubt anyone here is sober enough to notice."

"You are."

"Yes, but I'll hardly mind the lack of skill." A slow smile spread across his face. "One dance. If you don't enjoy it, I shalt speak another word to you tonight, if you so wish."

With any luck, this night wouldn't go on much longer, but the offer interested him. Shouldn't Ferbs have just given up by now? He seemed to know Phineas didn't like him.

Phineas stared at the hand. "Why don't you give up?" He flinched, eyes widening. He'd said it. He'd asked it. He shouldn't have, right? But he wanted to know.

Ferbs dropped his hand to his side and shrugged. "How can I explain something I don't understand?"

"What?" The idea that Ferbs meant the whole soulmate thing entered his mind, but that seemed too simple. Most people didn't put much thought into it. It just was. Like it always had been.

"I feel like I know you." Ferbs' brow furrowed, eyebrows disappearing below his sunglasses. "Knew you?" He shook his head slightly. "There's something... " Raising a hand, he rubbed his forehead. "Never mind it. It's a foolish notion." He moved his fingers to his temples. "Gives me an odd migraine when I attempt to think on it anyway."

"I don't think that's normal." Phineas was guessing. He'd never heard of that happening before. "Maybe you should talk to someone about that. Might be like a tumor or something."

Ferbs snorted.

"What?" he snapped the word. Here he was, trying to show some concern and he was getting laughed at for it.

"An answer like would make things easier for you, wouldn't it?" Ferbs' voice lacked bite.

And Phineas found himself not wanting to think about it. Death was not the way he wanted out of this relationship.

He'd seen what a dead soulmate did to people.

It wasn't pretty.

A little voice pointed out that he'd only seen the extreme, but he didn't pay attention to it.

They might have only met a few times, but each time Ferbs had stood up straight with a confidence Phineas almost envied. Right now, with his shoulders slumped and his palm pressed against his forehead that confidence was missing.

Had he hurt him? Phineas dropped his head. He kept screwing up. Even when he was trying not to. It made his stomach twist. Django had been right, Ferb should be pitied for getting stuck with someone like him. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," Ferbs muttered.

The dismissal made Phineas feel worse. "Did you still wanna dance?" He didn't even know why he was asking. Maybe some part of him thought it would ease the guilt of how he'd been treating Ferbs.

Ferbs nodded, giving his forehead one last rub before taking Phineas' hand.

They were halfway to the little area Ferbs and Vanessa had been using as a dance floor when the music cut out mid-song. A slower song taking the place of the previous hard rock.

Phineas shot Ferbs a look.

He sighed. "Vanessa."

Letting himself be led the rest of the way, he glanced around for the woman. She was leaning against the bar and raised a glass to him with a grin.

Lovely. Was this set up by both of them or her idea? He'd hoped the fast-paced music would give him an excuse to have as little physical contact as possible during the song.

Ferbs turned to face him, placing the hand he was holding on his bare waist before placing his hand on Phineas' shoulder and clasping their other hands together.

Phineas frowned at the positions. "I think you got it backwards."

"I don't believe so."

"No, my hand should be on your shoulder and yours should be at my waist." He started to move his hand.

"You're assuming I'm leading."

He stopped. "Well, yeah?" That seemed the obvious way to do it. Ferbs was taller, so he would lead. "Why wouldn't you?"

"Why would I?" One eyebrow crept up. "We are both males. There's no social code here that says I need to lead."

That was a point. "Yeah, but this was your idea."

Ferbs didn't answer right away. "Perhaps I don't want to lead."

"Oh." What could he say to that? He didn't want to lead either, but he was more used to that than he was to being lead.

"You do know how to...?"

"Huh, uh, yeah." Phineas started the dance.

While he had to admit Ferbs was a good dancer, easily covering any of Phineas' missteps, it didn't remove the awkwardness he felt. His eyes kept moving away from his soulmate.

In the past, he'd slow danced with Isabella. They'd always paired up for school dances and stuff. But she was his bestfriend. They'd chat and banter as they danced, and it would be fun.

He didn't think his definition of fun was the same as Ferbs'.

Still, should he try it? He didn't know what he could even talk to Ferbs about.

But he had to do something.

He said the first thing to come to mind, "Did you and Vanessa have a thing?"

Ferbs misstepped. "Beg your pardon?"

Shouldn't have said that. He really shouldn't have. Phineas ducked his head best he could, cheeks burning. "Sorry, I just–You seem close."

"No. We never had a thing."

"Yeah, I was, I thought..." He didn't know what he thought. Vanessa was married, and she'd met her soulmate when she was still a teenager. Ferbs probably hadn't even met her yet, and if he had, he didn't seem old enough to have had dated her back then.

Ferbs shrugged. "It's alright. It's true that we're close." He paused, letting them dance a few moments without speaking. "Perhaps there would have been something there under different circumstances. Some other world or universe where things are different, but not in this one."

"A world without soulmates," Phineas mused.

"Possibly."

Phineas envied that hypothetical world.


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Completely Normal

Phineas sighed, jamming his hands into his hoodie's pockets and craning his head back. As clear as the sky was, only a handful of stars were visible with glaring lights of the downtown area around him.

"Phineas."

He glanced at Vanessa out the corner of his eye. She had her keys in one hand, her other arm hooked around Ferbs. His matching hold was probably the only thing keeping her up on her five-inch heels.

Why someone would wear heels that high when they were going drinking? It was a complete recipe for disaster. Or for a broken leg.

But he also didn't know why Ferbs hadn't brought a jacket with him when everyone knew the nights were chilly. He had to be freezing in that top, but it wasn't like there was anything Phineas could do about it.

"Catch." She tossed the keys at him.

They clinked against the concrete about five feet to his left. Phineas rolled his eyes. At least she remembered he was driving and was still willing to let him. If her aim was that bad, he didn't even want to know what damage she could do with a car at her disposal.

He walked over to pick up the keys while they continued to her car. Hopefully, she was sober enough to remember what car was hers because Phineas sure as hell didn't know what she was driving.

The hard edges of the keys dug into his palm. Phineas didn't loosen his grip as he trailed after his drunk companions.

When he spotted the car, he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. "I thought we were taking your car, Vanessa."

She already managed her way into the passenger seat and was trying unsuccessfully to toe-off her boots. "We are." Leaning over the closed door, she looked at the outside as if checking that it was. "Yeah."

"So this is your car." Taking his eyes off the very familiar yellow convertible, he looked at Ferbs. His soulmate had been oddly silent since their dance. Even with the promise of not talking to him, Phineas hadn't expected him to shut up completely.

Vanessa gave an affirmative answer before starting on something else, but he wasn't paying her much attention.

Why was suddenly an issue for him? So what if Ferbs had borrowed her car? It wasn't like ownership of the car had come up on their date.

Ferbs gave him a small, half-shrug before climbing in the backseat.

It didn't matter. Phineas walked around and got in the driver's seat. So maybe Ferbs was like him and didn't own his own car. Or maybe he couldn't afford it or something. Not that it mattered why. It didn't affect him. It didn't affect anything because there was nothing for it to effect.

His fingers stayed on the key a moment before he turned it. When was the last time he'd driven? It was probably the same as riding a bike. Just much larger and with an engine and stuff.

Vanessa was still rambling about something. It didn't help.

He took a deep breath. It wasn't like it could be any worse than spending a night out with Ferbs.

He turned the key.

* * *

Phineas figured he'd drive to his apartment building. Since Vanessa's dad owned the penthouse, she could crash there and, with any luck, Ferbs could too since he apparently knew her dad.

Thinking about his soulmate made his eyes drift to the rearview mirror. Ferbs had his elbow propped up on the door, chin resting in his palm.

Was he brooding? Phineas shook the idea off, putting his eyes back to the road. Why would he be brooding?

A hand latched onto his arm, squeezing. "Slushy Dawg!" Vanessa pointed at the fast-food restaurant as they passed it. "Meat so green and pickles so brown, slushy time's fun with Lunchy the Clown." The off-key and blatantly wrong lyrics of the jingle sent Vanessa into a giggling fit once she was done singing it.

Phineas rolled his eyes. There was no way he was ever agreeing to go out with them again.

Never. Ever.

The rest of the drive was thankfully void of random grabbing and singing.

Phineas herded them out of the car after parking, pointedly ignoring Vanessa slurred complaints about bringing her to her dad's. He didn't know why she was complaining.

When she stopped walking halfway across the lobby, Ferbs picked her up bridal style and carried her the rest of the way to the elevator.

Phineas started to follow before noticing Vanessa's shoe-less feet hanging over Ferbs' arm. "Shit. Be right back." Spinning on his heel, he went back outside.

Maybe he could just wait a few minutes for them to go up without him and drop them off in front of the door. No need for any extra interaction.

Her boots were in plain sight but he spent a few moments pretending to look for them, just in case Ferbs could see him. Or left the elevator to see what he was doing.

Finally, he brought the boots inside.

Ferbs was using his foot to keep the doors open.

Phineas sighed. So much for the them going on ahead of him idea.

"Thanks." He hit the button for the forty-fifth floor. Glancing at Ferbs, he sighed again. "You can talk to me. I mean, I know you said you wouldn't, but the dance wasn't that... unenjoyable."

It was awkward and uncomfortable, but it wasn't horrible.

Ferb didn't reply. Not even a shrug.

Well, he tried. Phineas stared at the floor counter until the doors opened. He led the way to the penthouse door and knocked before stepping away.

"Please don't be Dad," Vanessa mumbled, pulling her head away from Ferbs' shoulder. She smacked him on the chest. "Put me down." Her feet touched the floor as the door opened.

"Hey, sis!"

Phineas flinched at the booming, artificially happy voice. That was going to play havoc with their hangovers tomorrow. Later today? Whatever.

She groaned. "Your speaker's broken."

"It is not! I am simply happy to see you!" Norm moved backward. "And Ferbs is here too. How wonderful!"

Vanessa stumbled her way into the penthouse, and Phineas shoved the boots at Ferbs.

Norm's perpetually smiling head turned to Phineas. "I do not forget a face. It is part of my programming. Hello, Phineas, are you coming in as well?"

Phineas forced a smile. "Nah, it's late."

"Of course, how silly of me." Norm paused. "Goodnight, Phineas."

"Goodnight, Norm," Ferbs was still standing in the hallway so Phineas nodded at him, "Ferbs." Alright, he got them there, his job was done, he could go to his apartment and... and do something. Sleep, probably.

He turned his back, ready to return to the elevator.

"Goodnight, Phineas." The words were soft, almost whispered, like Ferbs didn't want him to hear it. Maybe he didn't.

Either way, Phineas pretended not to.


	18. Squirrels!

Phineas blinked his eyes open. It was still dark, why was he awake? His eyes started to slip closed again when music cut through the silence.

Phone. His hand slapped blindly at the nightstand. It was there somewhere. One finger hit the cool plastic, and he grabbed it. Holding it in front of his face, he tried to read the caller ID. He blinked at the blurry mess, when it didn't clear up he squinted.

Then he frowned. Why was Candace calling him at this hour? Whatever hour this was.

He hit accept as he brought it to his ear. "Candy?"

"Phineas!"

The shriek had Phineas immediately pulling it away again. Yeah, it was really, really too early for whatever this was. "What?"

"It's inside! It's after me!"

His frown grew. "What's inside?" Another shriek came over the line. "Candace?" The next shill scream sounded farther away from the receiver. "Candace!"

Still clasping the cell to his ear, he stumbled his way out of bed. It was nothing. Probably. Candace was prone to overreactions. The reassurances didn't ease the worry taking root in his gut. Flipping on the light, he yanked on the first pair of pants he found.

"Candace?" he tried again. Her side had been dead silent since the last scream.

Pulling on one shoe, he hopped out of his bedroom, almost tripping over Perry in the process.

There was a baseball bat somewhere. But it probably wasn't an intruder. If it was, she would have called the police before him, right? And he needed to actually get there. He stopped hopping.

He still had Vanessa's keys.

He shouldn't though.

Should he?

He'd known her longer than Ferbs and she'd let him borrow it. And she had let him drive it.

It might be an emergency.

Putting his foot down, he removed the cellphone from his ear and sent off a quick text saying he was borrowing her car, with an 'it's an emergency' thrown in for good measure.

Hopefully, she would understand.

* * *

The sun had yet to peek over the horizon as Phineas crept up the walkway to his sister's front door, wooden bat held tightly in both hands. He tried not to think of what this probably looked like to any neighbors that might be glancing out their windows. If any neighbors were even awake.

He went to knock before stopping. Should he? If it was an intruder, that would give him away. But if it wasn't and the door was open, Candace might get even more freaked out at him coming in unannounced.

Before he could come to a decision, the door was ripped open.

A hand caught the bat before it could hit the person in the doorway. Phineas blinked at it. Had he swung it?

"You brought a baseball bat?" Candace hissed.

"I didn't know what the problem was." Really? What did she expect when she gave him literally nothing to go on except 'it's inside'?

"Just come in." She let go of the bat.

Walking inside, he looked around for anything that was obviously out of place. But nothing seemed off.

While she closed the door, he asked, "So what is inside?"

Candace didn't respond right away. "There... was a squirrel. In my bedroom."

"Oh." No wonder she was so freaked. He sighed, twirling the bat. There was no way was he going to use it on a squirrel. "Couldn't Jeremy take care of it?" Actually... "Where is he, anyway?"

"Out." The clipped answer made Phineas frown. She still wasn't facing him.

"Candace?" He leaned the bat against the wall. "Did something happen? I mean, other than the squirrel." Truthfully, he couldn't imagine there being a problem between them. Her and Jeremy were one of the few couples he knew that did seem completely perfect for each other.

She turned to him, finally, and sighed. "He's at Suzy's."

He hadn't known she was back in Danville. Unless Jeremy wasn't. But even if he left to go see her, Phineas wasn't seeing the problem. "Okay?"

"Don't you get it?" Candace grabbed him by the shoulders, eyes wide. "I went to sleep with the windows closed. I woke up with a squirrel in my room and an open window. She's after me."

"How did she do did that if Jeremy's with her?"

"I don't know!" She jerked back from him, giving herself a self-hug. "But I know it's her. She's trying to get to me so she can have Jeremy."

"Candace-"

"It's not paranoia if she's really after me."

"That's not what I was going to say." He was going to phrase it differently than paranoia. "But c'mon, why would Suzy be after you? She's a sweetheart."

"For Jeremy, aren't you listening?"

He was, but that didn't make it more believable. Even with this having gone on for years, he still couldn't see her as anything other than a nice, preppy girl who idolized her big brother.

"I know she's after me, Phineas. The squirrel told me-"

Phineas threw up his hands. "Woah, woah, wait, the squirrel told you?" Now, concern was starting to sink in. She'd never mentioned squirrels talking before. Normally, it was just the zebra.

Candace paled. "Um..."

He took a slow step towards her, keeping his voice soft as he spoke, "Why don't we go sit down or something, and we can talk about this, okay?" Laying a hand on her arm, he tugged on it lightly. "I'll make you some tea or something. You still drink tea sometimes, right?"

"I don't want tea, Phineas."

"Then we'll just sit and you tell me about it." If she was seeing things again, it was no wonder she was getting paranoid. Or maybe it was Suzy being around that had set it off again, Candace had had strange ideas about Jeremy's sister since she'd met her.

When she still didn't move, he resisted a sigh. "Or we could talk about something else? Where's Amanda? I thought all this talking would've brought her out here."

"I had to work late, so Jeremy took the kids to his parents before he left." Shooting him a weak glare, she pried his hand off. "You don't have to go all," she waved a hand at him, "whatever this is on me. I didn't mean to say it. I know squirrels can't talk, or zebras, and Perry's not a secret agent, and the bunny I had was not a ninja, I know, Phineas, I know."

He bit his tongue to stop from commenting on that. He already had enough regretful memories of making less-than-thoughtful comments about Candace's hallucinations that would lead to screaming matches, though once he started yelling, Candace generally shut up.

She rubbed at her face. "Can you pretend you didn't hear it and go take care of the squirrel in my room?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Yeah, I can do that." Getting rid of the squirrel would be easy, the other part not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a headcannon of Candace being one of the few people to remember the "World Without Milo" timeline and having a freakout over the talking squirrels, but, of course, no one else remembers that squirrels aren't supposed to talk and don't understand why she's so bent out of shape about it.
> 
> Poor Candace...


End file.
